I write to normalize the sacred act of taking a dump.
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The Only Time You Shouldn’t Squat…
My brother recently educated me on how to conduct yourself when confronted with diarrhea and a squat toilet. His opinion is based on a recent experience in India while visiting his girlfriend. Naturally, he got the Delhi Belly for a few days.…
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I May Be Chinese, But Chinese Food is Shit.
I don’t think I’m the only one with a neurotic Tiger mom. Ever since my mother learned how to use email, my inbox has been flooded with chain emails protecting me from gang initiation rapes; exploding hands and death resulting…
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24 Hours in Hollywood
In an effort to spread the Doody Free Girls Movement nationwide, I took the liberty of experiencing a jet-setting, 24 hour rendezvous in LA to celebrate the release of friend, Kimberly Snyder’s new book, The Beauty Detox Foods. And let’s be honest, I was hoping…
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A Word on Gas.
My Hero.
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Crapping Your Bed is the Coolest.
Good news, ladies! You are given free rein to poop yourself when in labor. You can even piss yourself if you feel like it. I highly recommend you take full advantage of this opportunity as it’s the only socially acceptable time to…
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Girls are Dirty.
In an earlier post demanding that guys take better care of their toilets, I failed to mention how despicably filthy women can be when using public toilets. Ironically, men’s public bathrooms are notoriously cleaner than women’s. I’m sick of walking into a public bathroom and slowly…
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Enemas are a Pregnant Lady’s BFF.
If a woman is eating for two, shouldn’t she be pooping for two?? I’ve never been pregnant, but everyone knows pregnant women don’t poop. I’ve been asking all my pregnant clients for some tips & tricks to share with the rest…
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PROBLEM: There is Not Enough Paper.
SOLUTION: The Strips Technique. 1. Don’t call out for someone to bring you more toilet paper. You are at work, not at home. 2. Pray to all the gods whose names you remember (even if only vaguely) that you have…
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A Fancy Toilet.
I sat on my first heated toilet seat complete with bidet and booty dryer this weekend at Mashiko in Seattle. Although this sushi joint impressed me from the gratuitous stash of SushiWhore magnets to their use of sustainable/reusable chopsticks made from surplus wheat supplies, their exclusively sustainable…
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