Day 5: Liver and Gallbladder Miracle Cleanse

Girls can be brutal. The other week on my way back from a very heavy meat-eating ski weekend, I had to drop an overdue stank load at a Whole Foods bathroom on my way home. I had way too much winter clothes on to fuss through my bag for my Poopourri to mask the gnarlyContinue reading “Day 5: Liver and Gallbladder Miracle Cleanse”

#WorldToiletDay

Yup, it’s a thing. Last year, celebrities like Matt Damon got involved with the UN to spread awareness on the global issue of open defecation on┬áNovember 19th, which was declared World Toilet Day in 2001 by the World Toilet Organization. Open defecation is common in countries like India, where lack of toilets pose a majorContinue reading “#WorldToiletDay”

Friends Don’t Let Friends Crap Their Pants.

Day Four. My housemates continue to educate me on even more flushing solutions when faced with an H2O shortage. While on a 20 minute long distance call with her boyfriend all about his recent food poisoning diarrhea, this housemate suddenly received the urge to go via satellite. Apparently, it’s contagious amongst couples. However, she wasContinue reading “Friends Don’t Let Friends Crap Their Pants.”

The 60 Percent.

In observance of Holy Week, I would like to point out a modern day blessing: the public restroom. For most parts of the USA, we not only have access to toilets in our home, but in our parks, schools, stores, cafes, restaurants, etc. It’s hard to imagine a world where we cannot relieve ourselves inContinue reading “The 60 Percent.”

Express Yourself.

Today was a “water day” and not because it’s raining outside, but because the water at the Doody Free Girl headquarters was shut off due to maintenance, and therefore, all colonic appointments had to be cancelled. So I got to stay home and ponder ways in which you can express yourself and start talking crapContinue reading “Express Yourself.”

The Most Important Conversation.

A special bond forms when talking crap with my clients. I stick tubes up their rears and diarrhea of the mouth ensues. I always joke that I have really gotten to know NYC through the rear, but it’s the truth. Colonics are not exclusively an activity of the rich and famous nor the crunchy newContinue reading “The Most Important Conversation.”

Who Do You Trust?

I remember the first time I talked about poop with a girlfriend better than I remember the first time I had sex (unfortunately, I think girls invest more anxiety into the former rather than the latter). This grade school friend of mine was in the bathroom with me and made fun of me for lookingContinue reading “Who Do You Trust?”

The Beauty of A Multi-Stall Configuration.

What better place to poop in opulence than at the Biltmore Estate in Asheville, North Carolina???!!┬áBonus (a somewhat-accurate history lesson): the Biltmore Estate is the largest privately-owned home in the United States owned by the Vanderbilts, who made their gazillions via railroad and steamboat pioneering. Out of the 43 bathrooms in the Biltmore McMansion, touristsContinue reading “The Beauty of A Multi-Stall Configuration.”

Take Your Time.

Until you’ve perfected the sport of taking a dump in the same amount of time it would take you to take a piss, I urge you to take your time on the throne. Stressing out about whether or not people are aware of what you’re trying to accomplish in the bathroom will give you hemorrhoidsContinue reading “Take Your Time.”