A Fancy Toilet.

I sat on my first heated toilet seat complete with bidet and booty dryer this weekend at Mashiko in Seattle. Although this sushi joint impressed me from the gratuitous stash of SushiWhore magnets to their use of sustainable/reusable chopsticks made from surplus wheat supplies, their exclusively sustainable fish menu, and the mere existence of a luxury toilet seat in the bathroom, I’m sad to report that my first luxury toilet seat experience was an utter fail.

Maybe I’m being a little dramatic. The heated seat was very inviting and in fact, I did not want to get up, but the other functions were a) complicated and b) ergonomically incorrect.  Considering all the time I spent trying to figure out the buttons on the side panel of the toilet, I’m ashamed to say I never even pooped. All this work just to pee. There were a total of ten buttons with labels that read shower, bidet, heat, dryer etc. I was most excited to try the bidet function. However, the bidet function blindly beelines water into your crack. I found this moistening irritating, not cleansing. I spent a lot of time deciding whether to try the shower button for obvious reasons. I wasn’t exactly sure what to expect. Was I about to get rained on? No. I just received another shot of water from the front end in addition to the back end. Neither one reached my rectum nor my vagina.  I was sort of okay with this only because I was psyched to try the dryer function and figured if I ever purchased one of these toilet seats, I could adjust the water hoses. But the dryer was no Xlerator. It was one of those frustrating mild, stuffy, why-do-my-hands-feel-dirtier?, I’m-just-going-to-use-paper kind of dryers.  So I ended up using more toilet paper than usual to dry my drenched genitalia and actually washed my hands because I felt a little filthy.

luxury toilet seat with built in bidet and heated seat

Published by Doody Free Girl

New Jersey Gravity Colonics Therapist and Blogger, Jen (The Doody Free Girl) is starting a Bowel Movement to erase the stigma surrounding women's bowel insecurities and ultimately, alleviate both physical and emotional constipation.

2 thoughts on “A Fancy Toilet.

  1. Ha tell me about it! I had to go to Tokyo for work once. One of the settings on my hotel room toleit was a seat warmer, which I have to admit was a nice touch first thing in the morning. And everyday items had weird English labels on them like Excellent Towel Paper . Glad you’re having the time of your life. Keep bloggin’ you’ve got a fan in Ottawa!

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