GRAVITY COLONIC 130 USD (GRATUITY INCLUDED)
TREATMENT DURATION: 45 minutes
Closed system gravity colonics (also known as high colonics or high enemas) are the most gentle, natural and effective manner to irrigate the last three to five feet of your intestinal tract, known as your Large Intestine or your Colon. Using only filtered water in an elevated tank and the gravitational pull of the Earth, water is safely flushed through the anal cavity using sterilized medical grade equipment. All of the waste matter travels through a tube and directly down the drain. I am present throughout the entire treatment thoroughly massaging your abdomen. I promise it isn’t awkward! I’ll play my favorite music and you will leave feeling lighter and more energized! Book your ass here.
For optimal results, please fast at least three hours prior to treatment and no fluids at least one hour prior to treatment. Plan on liquid fasting for at least three hours post treatment (preferably the rest of the day). Do not overeat and plan on sticking to a light vegan diet (no meat or dairy). I recommend either sticking to fruit or having a vegetable soup (choose one or the other). Once you book your appointment, you’ll receive more detailed instructions in your inbox (or SPAM box). If you have any further questions, do not hesitate to contact me.
Disclaimer: I’m not a doctor (not even a little bit) or a prostitute, just a glorified plumber. It is always a good idea to consult with your doctor first. Although I’m not a doctor, I only use medical grade equipment (no disposable plastic equipment). Men are always welcome, just no perverts. First time clients must book online. 24 hour cancellation policy is in full effect. Late cancellations and flakes are subject to 100% payment for services booked. Please check my blog for my holiday schedule.
CLEANSE PACKAGE MENU
**THESE PACKAGES WERE DESIGNED TO GET YOUR ASS IN GEAR PRONTO. ALL PACKAGES ARE NON-SHAREABLE AND THERE ARE ABSOLUTELY NO EXCEPTIONS TO EXPIRATION DATES**
LIVER CLEANSE 220 USD (GRATUITY INCLUDED)
INCLUDES TWO GRAVITY COLONICS
EXPIRATION: FOUR DAYS
Based on the teachings of Andreas Moritz’s The Liver and Gallbladder Miracle Cleanse, I will guide you through an 8 day liver cleanse, which involves 2 gravity colonics (the first gravity colonic is to be scheduled on the 5th or 6th day and the second is to be scheduled on the 8th day). This package includes instructions and two colonics to be completed within four days of each other.
NEW RELATIONSHIP (HONEYMOON PHASE) CLEANSE 300 USD (GRATUITY INCLUDED)
INCUDES THREE GRAVITY COLONICS
EXPIRATION: THREE WEEKS
So you’re in a new relationship and afraid to shit at your partner’s house? Or perhaps you’re in a new relationship with yourself? Don’t worry, I’ve literally got your back. Love is hard to come by these days, so let me take care of the shitty details. Constipation can be a complete buzz kill, so this package includes three gravity colonics to be redeemed within three weeks.
SKIN CLEANSE 450 USD (GRATUITY INCLUDED)
INCLUDES FOUR GRAVITY COLONICS
EXPIRATION: EIGHT WEEKS
This package includes instructions and four gravity colonics to be completed within eight weeks (plan on scheduling a gravity colonic every two weeks). We will not only discuss the essential dietary habits needed to achieve glowing skin, but we will also touch on a simplified beauty routine. I will guide you through a skin product detox and share dietary habits that will clear you from the inside out!
THE “REGULAR” CLEANSE 1000 USD (GRATUITY INCLUDED)
INCLUDES TEN GRAVITY COLONICS
EXPIRATION: SIX MONTHS
If living constipation-free is your jam, then consider yourself a “regular.” This cleanse is designed to help you maintain a clean colon so you can invest your energy in more important matters, like anything else. The “Regular” includes ten gravity colonics to be redeemed within six months.
READ THE FINE PRINT
Please note that the following conditions may deem candidate ineligible for colonics unless approved/prescribed by physician: colon cancer, kidney disease/dialysis, renal failure or insufficiency, cirrhosis of the liver, anemia (severe), aneurysm, carcinoma, cardiac disease, hypertension (uncontrolled), Crohn’s disease, congestive heart failure, diverticulitis (acute), fissures/fistulas, GI hemorrhage/perforation, hemorrhoids (excessive bleeding present), herniation, prostatitis, recent abdominal surgery (last six months), tumors, and ulcerative colitis.
Detox side effects/symptoms may include, but not limited to: temporary fatigue, bloating, light headedness, cramping or headache. To minimize the chance of experiencing any side effects, I always suggest fasting for three hours prior to the colonic and to refrain from drinking any liquids at least one hour prior to treatment. Also recommended, but not mandatory is fasting (ingesting only green juices and water) for the remainder of the day post treatment. Otherwise, I suggest fasting for an additional three to four hours post treatment and eating very lightly for the rest of the day, making sure not to ingest any animal products (meat or dairy).
Pregnant women are also unsuitable candidates for this procedure, which totally sucks because they are the most constipated! If you are pregnant and desperate, please refer to my blog post called Enemas are a Pregnant Lady’s BFF.