GRAVITY COLONIC 150 USD (CASH ONLY)
TREATMENT DURATION: 45 MINUTES
Closed system gravity colonics (also known as high colonics or high enemas) are the most gentle, natural and effective manner to irrigate the last three to five feet of your intestinal tract, known as your Large Intestine or your Colon. Using only filtered water in an elevated tank and the gravitational pull of the Earth, water is safely flushed through the anal cavity using sterilized medical grade equipment. All of the waste matter travels through a tube and directly down the drain. I am present throughout the entire treatment thoroughly massaging your abdomen with essential oils and perhaps a little CBD oil. Also included is a green juice for your ass (a nice cocktail of chlorophyll, wheatgrass, aloe and probiotics will be “implanted” through the rectum). I promise it isn’t awkward! I’ll play my favorite music and you will leave feeling lighter and more energized!
LIVER DETOX (COLONIC + COFFEE IMPLANT) 200 USD (CASH ONLY)
TREATMENT DURATION: 1 HOUR
For the ultimate detox, add a coffee implant to your colonic to stimulate liver detox and glutathione production. Widely used in Gerson therapy and holistic rehab centers, coffee implants have been proven to lighten the toxic load on the liver by naturally opening the bile ducts encouraging bile flow, while stimulating the production of glutathione. Glutathione, our most powerful antioxidant, cleanses the blood of free radicals allowing the liver to filter more toxins. After 40 minutes of bowel cleansing, organic coffee will be inserted and retained for 12-15 minutes, the amount of time it will take your blood to circulate through the caffeinated liver about five times. While your blood is cleansing, a castor oil “pack” will be applied to the abdominal area to aid in the detoxification process.
**PLEASE RESPECT OUR 48 HOUR CANCELLATION POLICY. LAST MINUTE CANCELLATIONS ARE SUBJECT TO 100% PAYMENT FOR SERVICES BOOKED**
FOR MALE CLIENTS: WE DO NOT OFFER HAPPY ENDINGS. Unfortunately, enough pervert encounters have forced us to explicitly state this to all new male clients. Please keep your junk covered at all times.
For optimal results, please fast at least three hours prior to treatment and no fluids at least one hour prior to treatment. Plan on liquid fasting for at least three hours post treatment (preferably the rest of the day). Do not overeat and plan on sticking to a light vegan diet (no meat or dairy). I recommend either sticking to fruit or having a vegetable soup (choose one or the other). Once you book your appointment, you’ll receive more detailed instructions in your inbox (or SPAM box). If you have any further questions, do not hesitate to contact me.
Disclaimer: I’m not a doctor (not even a little bit) or a prostitute, just a glorified plumber. It is always a good idea to consult with your doctor first. Although I’m not a doctor, I only use medical grade equipment (no disposable plastic equipment). Men are always welcome, just no perverts.
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Please note that the following conditions may deem candidate ineligible for colonics unless approved/prescribed by physician: colon cancer, kidney disease/dialysis, renal failure or insufficiency, cirrhosis of the liver, anemia (severe), aneurysm, carcinoma, cardiac disease, hypertension (uncontrolled), Crohn’s disease, congestive heart failure, diverticulitis (acute), fissures/fistulas, GI hemorrhage/perforation, hemorrhoids (excessive bleeding present), herniation, prostatitis, recent abdominal surgery (last six months), tumors, and ulcerative colitis.
Detox side effects/symptoms may include, but not limited to: temporary fatigue, bloating, light headedness, cramping or headache. To minimize the chance of experiencing any side effects, I always suggest fasting for three hours prior to the colonic and to refrain from drinking any liquids at least one hour prior to treatment. Also recommended, but not mandatory is fasting (ingesting only green juices, herbal tea and water) for the remainder of the day post treatment. Otherwise, I suggest fasting for an additional three to four hours post treatment and eating very lightly for the rest of the day, making sure not to ingest any animal products (meat or dairy).
Pregnant women are also unsuitable candidates for this procedure, which totally sucks because they are the most constipated! If you are pregnant and desperate, please refer to my blog post called Enemas are a Pregnant Lady’s BFF.