The Coffee Enema

I realize I have taken a serious break from writing, but I literally don’t have time to wipe my own ass these days (thank God for my ass-blasting handheld bidet) with a 15 month old attached to my tits. Butt…I took the day off from motherhood today for this shit, so read up!

Gerson green enema coffee Cafe Mam
Cafe Mam is the Gerson-recommended green coffee
“therapy roast”

I’ve expressed my doubts on the benefits of coffee enemas in the past, but hey…I’ve also expressed my doubts on having children and now I think it’s the most incredible gift I have ever received. So I’m not afraid to change my mind and I am now acknowledging the merits of coffee enemas by recently adding coffee implants (ie Liver Detox) to the menu here at Doody Free Girl. Clients have been asking for coffee up their asses for years, but it was always a little too reminiscent of “My Strange Addiction” for me. (I’ve surprisingly never seen the show, but have heard enough to turn me off to coffee enemas.)

The more I started hearing about coffee enemas in a transformative light, the more curious and the more enthused I became about this potentially life-saving tool. While some people may not be deemed suitable for the treatment (those with high blood pressure, pregnant, have ulcerative colitis, etc), it is widely used in Gerson Therapy (a holistic cancer and chronic disease treatment) and in holistic rehab centers. In fact, one of my clients who is partnered in a holistic rehab center in Tijuana explained that daily coffee enemas are a requirement at the center in order to effectively detox the liver.

According to the Gerson Therapy, the caffeine in the coffee is delivered immediately to the liver via the hemorrhoidal and mesenteric veins in the lower descending colon and rectum. The caffeine and other compounds in the coffee dilate the blood vessels, relaxing the bile ducts and smooth muscle, increasing the flow of bile and the toxins it carries.

Quinton marine plasma coffee enema
Quinton can be consumed orally or anally!

During the coffee implant, I also add Quinton (bioavailable seawater electrolytes) in order to maintain electrolyte balance. Additionally, I add a few drops of tangerine essential oil to promote both lymphatic drainage and glutathione production. Glutathione is our most powerful antioxidant (think anti-aging, anti-cancer, etc). Clients have not only felt super energized after the coffee implant, but boast glowing skin!

Young Living tangerine oil coffee enema
Young Living tangerine oil

Please always keep in mind I am no doctor, so don’t try this shit at home or at Doody Free Girl until you’ve extensively researched this on your own and come to your own conclusion/decision that this is right for your body. And always always always trust your gut!

Irish Ramadan (aka Liver Cleanse)

This January was my first semi-successful attempt at “Dry January,” or Irish Ramadan as one of my clients calls it. I’ve hardly even been able to refrain from a glass of wine during past liver cleanses because I love me a glass or two of red wine with dinner. But once I made the commitment not to drink in January (until my Nicaragua trip on the 25th), it quickly became second nature. Good habits can develop in just a few days when intention and commitment are strong. I must admit the paralyzing weather helped a lot too.

liver cleanse
Breaking the dry spell in Nicaragua.

Just as it pertains to colonics, it is always a good idea to clean up your diet a bit before embarking on any sort of cleanse or diet, especially a liver cleanse. This makes for a more pleasant experience because you aren’t suddenly putting your body into a state of shock. Rather, you are gently guiding your body into a deeper state of detoxification that has the potential to become habitual versus temporary. Consistency is more powerful than any crash diet or crash juice cleanse (same shit in my book).

For 2018, I am committed to consistently making my own smoothies, even during the cold winter. The trick to craving smoothies in the winter is simply making them room temperature (not cold!). I will share my latest favorite smoothie recipe that keeps me satiated and energized all day long on my next blog post. Eating more nutritiously dense smoothies has made liver cleansing much easier. I’ve already completed two liver cleanses this year, and this monthly liver cleansing schedule is feeling great especially since many clients have been joining in!

I am starting my next liver cleanse on Monday in time for the new moon. The new moon every month is always a good marker to wipe your slate clean of shit that wasn’t working for you the prior month and birth some new ideas and action plans. This Irish Ramadan will appropriately end on St. Patrick’s Day. Sign up for liver cleanse instruction on the Gravity Colonics Prices page to prepare yourself because you’ll need to schedule two colonics and purchase food grade malic acid in powder form. Please keep in mind, you will want to continue liver cleansing at least every three months. Otherwise, it’s best not to begin this cleanse at all because you will literally be stirring up some shit that must be eliminated from the body. For those who’d like to dig deeper into the liver cleanse, I recommend picking up Andreas Moritz’s The Liver and Gallbladder Miracle Cleanse. And book your liver cleanse here.

Liver cleanse stones
A bunch of liver stones joined together.




I began liver cleansing almost two years ago to get rid of some wrinkles, dark under eye circles and severe menstrual cramps. I’ve seen improvement in all areas. However, I was also hoping the whites of my eyes would clear up. I had started noticing some yellowing around the inner corners that was bothering the shit out of me. Yellowing of the skin and eyes is associated with jaundice, a condition where bile buildup in the blood resulting from a clogged liver actually stains the skin and eyes. I didn’t understand why my liver still seemed fucked after all this cleansing.

Fate would have it that a visit to the eye doctor of all doctors solved this mystery for me. I went for a routine check up and the Doc basically clarified that I’m a dirtbag. Dirty contacts were the culprit causing a build up of dirt in my eyes, staining my eyes yellow. I wasn’t really following, but he said something to this effect: dirty contacts were forcing my eyes to create a buildup of white blood cells as an inflammatory response to the foreign substance, and that layer of cells (just like skin) gets suntanned.  Left unaddressed, it could get so bad that it turn black over time especially because these cells are raised higher than the rest of my eyeball cells and thus, more exposed to the sun (like your nose). He said I just need to diligently change my contacts every two weeks and wear my glasses at least once a week and this should all clear up in about a year and half.

My eyes are already looking clearer after a few months of being a little less of a dirtbag. In any case, I plan on doing another liver cleanse in early November. Who’s with me??

img_2141 img_2142 img_2143 img_2144


Liver Cleansing Again!

I just wrapped up yet another liver cleanse, but this time I actually gave it my full effort and did not drink any wine for the entire week. In fact, I still haven’t had any wine (that’s subject to change any day now). The cleanse was actually much more tolerable when following the rules – go figure. I felt fantastic afterward and the dark circles under my eyes have even lightened up!

Two different clients of mine gave me the same tip on how to “not drink” at the bar: order soda water with bitters and lime. Wikipedia defines bitters as “an alcoholic preparation flavored with botanical matter such that the end result is characterized by a bitter, sour, or bittersweet flavor. Numerous longstanding brands of bitters were originally developed as patent medicines, but are now sold as digestifs and cocktail flavorings.” So there’s still some trace alcohol in my beverage but it’s characterized as both medicinal and a digestif, which is clearly an added bonus. 





For those who haven’t been following, the liver cleanse is a completely doable cleanse that only lasts a week and clears nasty gallstones out of your liver on the last day. The week calls for being vegan (no meat or dairy), no alcohol, no caffeine, no fried foods and no sugar. During the first five days, you are to sip on a solution of 1 teaspoon of malic acid powder mixed with 32 oz of water throughout the day. On the sixth day, you must drink the solution by morning and have a lunch of plain white rice and steamed vegetables by 1:30pm. Then you must fast until the following day, which isn’t so bad because you have a lot of assignments to complete before then. You must get a colonic that afternoon. Then at 6pm and again at 8pm, you must drink 3/4 cup epsom salt solution. At 10pm, you must drink a solution of 2/3 cup fresh grapefruit juice and 1/2 cup extra virgin olive oil (preferably of the California variety). Then make sure to lay flat for the rest of the evening. You can get up to take a shit if need by after the first 20 minutes of laying completely flat and still. In the morning, you have to repeat the epsom salt torture at 6am and again at 8am, keeping your torso upright the entire morning (you can fall back asleep sitting up). Make sure to clear this morning because you will be shitting your stones out! At 1030am, you can drink fresh juice. I like to squeeze the juice from the rest of the grapefruits I got the night before. You can eat some fruit an hour later and then start eating normal food about an hour after that. 

Is it time to clear out your liver? You can do it!! Book here.




Happy New Year!

Happy New Years, everybody! You may already know that I love me some resolutions

Last year, my aim was to clean out my liver because Andreas Moritz, author of The Liver and Gallbladder Miracle Cleanse, connects body imbalance to a congested liver. Just before the new year last year, I was experiencing terrible menstrual cramps. My client who pointed me to Moritz’s liver cleanse affirmed that severe menstrual cramps are an abnormal occurrence that can be addressed by cleaning out the liver, which is responsible for proper circulation. By end of 2015, I completed five or six (I forget) liver cleanses and I can now say (knock on wood) that I have not experienced a horrible menstrual cramp since 2014.

Oddly enough, I haven’t really made any resolutions for 2016. I guess overall, I want to keep my email inbox under 1,000 emails and to drink more water. It’s going to be a tough year!



Never Wipe Your Ass With Leaves (of Three).

A recent “detox rash” turned out to be a torturous case of poison ivy. Wrapping it up the way I did to cover it only made it spread across my entire forearm! I’ve never had poison ivy before and for whatever reason, thought it was just some mythological beast, despite the memory of my friend in third grade who had a crusty case of it all over her face.

Contracting poison ivy has taught me some valuable life lessons:

1. Poison ivy does exist and it looks like this (the middle leaf has an exposed stem):  poison-ivy

2. Don’t touch furry strangers.

3. You probably shouldn’t rub your genitals with anything you find in the woods.

4. Don’t scratch a poison ivy rash. Instead, melt ice cubes on it to take care of the itch.

5. Liver cleanses may or may not cause you to break out in a devastating rash.

For a minute, I was fed up with these liver cleanses and the rashes they seemed to start promising. I will be starting my next one this week for anyone who cares to join!

Ringworm is Dead!

So it turns out I just had an eczema rash on my arm coincidentally where my ringworm was years ago. I had started using Athlete’s Foot cream on my rash because Athlete’s Foot, Ringworm and Groin Itch are all the same shit.

Eczema is undoubtedly an internal issue and while the rash was brought on by my first liver cleanse, it gradually disappeared after my second liver cleanse. The Athlete’s Foot cream helped initially, but the rash became so dry and scaly, that it started itching again. And eventually, the red bumps worsened. The Urgent Care I visited two years ago gave me an anti-bacterial ointment for the ringworm that alleviated the itch while preventing any dryness. After a little brainstorming on what natural remedies I could use that have anti-bacterial properties along with a gel-like texture, I suddenly remembered the miracle of Manuka Honey!!

Manuka Honey is the honey you constantly overlook in the health food market because it’s ridiculously expensive. But there’s a good reason for that! Manuka Honey comes from the same tree in New Zealand as Tea Tree oil, which is widely used as an anti-fungal treatment for people and pets alike. Tea tree oil is very potent, which can be detected by its medicinal odor. I was applying tea tree oil to my rash when it first appeared, but it only further irritated it, even after diluting the tea tree oil in some coconut oil. So I spread a thin layer of Manuka Honey over the rash, covered it with a paper towel so that it did not stick to my clothing and secured it with a few hair ties. I left it on overnight for about five days and the rash just disappeared. Even all of the little scabs that developed over the rash fell right off!

So here’s what you need to know when buying Manuka Honey for medicinal purposes. You want to make sure the UMF (Unique Manuka Factor), which is also labeled as “Active” is a minimum of 10. The higher the better because the higher the UMF concentration, the higher the antibiotic effect. I love the brand Wedderspoon because they actually sell individual packets of Manuka Honey Active 16+. The individual packets easily crack open (sans mess) and you can just eat them on the train when you feel like you’re getting sick! I used the packets to quickly spread the honey on my arm without using any utensils. There are many more uses for Manuka Honey, so make sure to keep it in your medicine cabinet!

Ringworm remedy

Second Liver Cleanse Complete!

Malic acid made all the difference this time around! If you’ve been following, you know that you have a choice the first six days of the liver cleanse to opt for a liter of apple juice per day or a liter of water with a teaspoon of malic acid mixed in. Last month, the apple juice made the week much more memorable than this month’s cleanse. I was so miserably gaseous last month from the apple cider sugar overload that I needed an additional colonic apart from the cleanse’s mandatory colonics. So moving forward I am only going to be ingesting the malic acid mixture. It made the cleanse feel almost nonexistent. Well that and not adhering to the dietary restrictions (no meat, dairy or fried foods) made it easier for me! I had just finished menstruating when I started the cleanse prep, so I felt like I needed some iron and ate meat for a few days. I also drank wine, which I have no excuse for.

Last month, a client gave me some advice on how to half-ass a cleanse and his advice was ringing in my head this month, justifying my choices. He told me that on his fifth or sixth cleanse, he ate like total shit and actually ended up having one of his most successful cleanses (as in releasing the most stones)! Making the cleanse prep DO-able for you is important so that you are encouraged to keep going the following month. So while I’m not condoning the eating of crap, I think the most important thing is to be restrictive on the sixth and seventh day, following Moritz’s directions to the letter. Drink the malic acid mixture in the morning and eat a plain lunch of white rice and steamed vegetables seasoned with nothing other than sea salt. Eat nothing for the rest of the day. At 6pm and again at 8pm, drink 3/4 cup of epsom salt water. At 10pm, drink a mixture of 1/2 cup olive oil and 2/3 cup of freshly squeezed, strained grapefruit juice. Immediately lay flat and try to go to sleep. The next morning, you have to drink that nasty epsom salt water again at 6am and then at 8am, remaining upright. You will start to crap the stones out somewhere in between or after the second epsom salt dosage. At 10am, you can drink freshly squeezed orange or grapefruit juice. One half hour later, you can have a piece of fruit and then an hour later, a normal light lunch.

I didn’t get any cool green stones this time, so I have no pictures to show off, but I think maybe my dark eye circles are getting lighter??


malic acid liver cleanse

Malic Acid Rules!

I started my second liver cleanse two days ago, only this time substituting the malic acid mixture (1 tsp of malic acid in 32 ounces of water) in place of the 32 ounces of apple cider. It is such a better experience this time around! The malic acid mixture basically tastes like unsweetened Vitamin Water. It’s a little tart, but not unpleasant, no gag reflexes and no putrid gas… so far.


Gil Jacobs

Doody Free Girl exists thanks to the Original G: The Godfather of colonics, Gil Jacobs. If you’ve never heard of this man, it’s probably because you’re not down with getting a super aggressive colonic in a cramped bathroom in the East Village from a self-proclaimed unprofessional. But Gil has been dubbed the Godfather of Colonics in the health world not just because he’s a 58 year old Italian Guinea from Staten Island, but because he pioneered and revolutionized how NYC gives colonics through his “bottoms-up” approach to health. It has become a badge of honor for a colon therapist to have been trained by Gil Jacobs. We all brag about it, so always make sure your chosen colon therapist has this advanced “certification.”

Gil was my first and only paid colon therapist from 2007 until I was formally trained by the Wood Hygienic Institute in 2009. His charisma and encouragement is the reason I lead such an alternative lifestyle today. We would spend the entire hour of my colonic talking about health, food, family, and celebrity gossip (in terms of whose gas has traveled up to their face i.e. those whose faces have blown up i.e. John Travolta). Gil is well versed in all aforementioned subjects and he likes to throw in pop quizzes from time to time.

I decided to pay Gil a visit this weekend because I haven’t seen him in years and I was long overdue for a deep cleaning. On Friday, my veteran liver cleanse client assured me that my “ringworm rash” is definitely a detox symptom and I should embrace it for it serves as proof that my liver cleanse efforts were not in vain. She even told me that while she never got a rash, she did experience relentless itchiness all over her body when she started the liver cleanses. Gil believes the rash is a result of the antibiotics I took to heal the ringworm resurfacing. In fact, the first thing he asked me was if I took antibiotics to heal the ringworm back then. It actually makes perfect sense since the rash is exactly where my ringworm scar is and was torturing me with the same sensations as the ringworm, yet it did not form a ring. Andreas Moritz attributes all antibiotics, especially those that are used to treat skin infections, to gallstones.  He concludes,

Symptomatic treatment always has a hefty price tag attached to it, that is, an impairment of basic liver functions. It is far easier and more beneficial for the body to remove all gallstones, restore normal blood values, and improve digestion and waste removal than to suppress the symptoms of a disease. Symptoms are not the disease; they only indicate that the body is attempting to save and protect itself. They signal the body’s need for attention, support, and care. Treating disease as if it were an enemy, when in reality it is a survival attempt, actually sabotages the body’s healing abilities and sows the seeds for further illness.


Resources: The Liver and Gallbladder Miracle Cleanse by Andreas Moritz, Gil Jacobs

gil jacobs godfather of colonics