I write to normalize the sacred act of taking a dump.
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Always keep a bathroom fully stocked with toilet paper. The End.
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Why You Really Need A Plunger In Your Bathroom.
Girls and boys, a proper bathroom should be outfitted with common emergency materials. The following advice is derived from actual events. 1. Keep a plunger directly next to your toilet, not in your laundry room, janitor’s closet etc. Why? Because…
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The Beauty of A Multi-Stall Configuration.
What better place to poop in opulence than at the Biltmore Estate in Asheville, North Carolina???!! Bonus (a somewhat-accurate history lesson): the Biltmore Estate is the largest privately-owned home in the United States owned by the Vanderbilts, who made their gazillions…
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Take Your Time.
Until you’ve perfected the sport of taking a dump in the same amount of time it would take you to take a piss, I urge you to take your time on the throne. Stressing out about whether or not people…
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Depressed?
Depressed? It’s actually NOT all in your head. As discussed in my previous post, there are neurotransmitters located in the walls of your intestinal tract and while they communicate with your brain, 90% of the communication is actually from bowel…
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Stressed?
I must say my most constipated clients are my lawyers and finance people. Why? Because on top of being chained to a desk 12 hours a day with no natural body movement or natural sunlight and endless ordering from Seamless,…
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Got Gas?
Yeah you do and so does your boyfriend. Unless you guys think it’s cute to look like you’re expecting, I assure you there are no benefits to holding in your gas. There is nothing more despicable than a poorly executed…
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Butt Wipes.
New York Magazine just released an online article on the negative effects of baby wipes. This epidemic has been traced back to the overuse of baby wipes by the general public, and I’m not talking babies. Apparently, adults are secretly…
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One Ply or Two Ply?
Toilet paper gets more play than your vibrator, so naturally, the choice of one ply or two ply is a very intimate preference. To my surpise, many of my clients have never experienced the rawness of one ply. I’m not…
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Tommy “Detox” DeVito
It is an honor to be graced by the presence of Tom DeVito AKA Tommy Detox, owner of Release NYC (home to Doody Free Girl), on a daily basis. This Guinea from Staten Island may eat like a pussy, but…
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