I write to normalize the sacred act of taking a dump.
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Ugh, the thought of apple cider is utterly nauseating at this point. My tongue has turned white and I had so much putrid gas last night (thank God I didn’t have a date!) that I had to give myself a…
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Day 3: Liver and Gallbladder Miracle Cleanse
Man, it is proving difficult to ingest all of this fluid with all of these rules!! Yesterday, I ended up just eating one hearty meal around 4pm because I was too busy drinking apple cider, tea and water all day!…
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Day 2: Liver and Gallbladder Miracle Cleanse
I forgot to mention the anal-ness of when and how you’re supposed to drink the aforementioned fluids. Both kidney cleanse tea and apple juice or cider are to be sipped (not drunk like a glass of water) throughout the day…
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Day 1: Liver and Gallbladder Miracle Cleanse
I had another suicidal menstrual cramping episode this weekend, which scared me because it was by far the worst one yet. In high school, I would literally pass out all the time when I had my period because the pain…
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Oil Pulling
I’ll try new things, but you first. My clients are constantly introducing me to really cool, “traditional” ways of healing and cleansing, a lot of which just sounds straight up CRAY (that felt appropriate). My interest is only ever peaked when…
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New Year, New Liver.
2015 is going to be all about cleaning out my very very compromised liver! I have many clients who religiously do the liver and gallbladder cleanse. At first, I just thought this was some crazy New Age crap: drinking apple…
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Constipated to the Point of Hemorrhoids.
I can sort of imagine what erectile dysfunction feels like. Sort of. I can empathize with the pressure to perform anyway. But I’m not talking sex, I’m talking crap. A self-proclaimed Bowel Movement Coach should never be constipated, right? Unfortunately, hard shit happens.…
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#WorldToiletDay
Yup, it’s a thing. Last year, celebrities like Matt Damon got involved with the UN to spread awareness on the global issue of open defecation on November 19th, which was declared World Toilet Day in 2001 by the World Toilet Organization.…
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Strong Abs = Strong Poop
I am so excited that I found this abdominal workout video on YouTube! I have been a devotee to this particular 20 minute Winsor Pilates Ab Sculpting video since high school. I even got the football team in college into…
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Anal Fissures
A friend recently opened up to me about her problem with anal fissures. Scientifically speaking, anal fissures can happen when a rock hard turd slices one’s asshole. The problem is that every time she’d use the bathroom after that initial…
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