Author: Doody Free Girl
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Doody Breath?
Did you know that your body cleanses itself during sleep, which is why you wake up with a light film on your tongue and nasty dog breath. That film is just a bunch of toxins and bacteria that can easily be eliminated by using the ancient Ayurvedic technique of tongue scraping. I use a copper tongue…
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Masticate.
Chew your food! I’ve actually seen whole foods exit my clients’ rears during colonics. No wonder they’re bloated! The process of mastication is entirely underrated. Did you know that digestion of fats and carbohydrates begins in your mouth? This goes for liquids as well. Taste your beverage, never chug. Chewing your food well allows the enzymes…
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Doody Free Girls Don’t Gossip.
A conversation with a client last night shed some more light on why girls are so afraid to go #2 in public. I’ve become so jaded from my work that I easily forget how traumatizing it is for girls to poop in public even around their female peers. My client, a grown woman, is still terrified to poop in the multi-stall women’s bathroom at work…
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Rude Awakenings.
I woke up around 5am because I was about to piss myself. I tried to put it off because I had to wake up in two hours, but couldn’t hold it any longer. So I dragged myself to the bathroom, pulled my pants down, and sat down only to feel freezing water kiss my bottom.…
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Doody Free Hands.
I’m not one to wash my hands every time I use the bathroom. Reason being that 1) I do not have a penis and 2) I generally don’t pee on my hands. Contrary to popular belief, I’m not a dirtbag either. So I find it important to discuss why my hands are probably cleaner than all…
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Hipster Jeans Giving You Gas?
According to the Wall Street Journal’s article about “Tight Pants Syndrome,” if you are experiencing unexplainable stomach pain, heartburn, belching, yeast infections and/or numbness in your legs, you may want to consider retiring those way-too-tight jeans that are probably giving you a muffin top anyway. Ladies, you may also be paying the price for…
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What Do You Read on the Loo?
Bathroom books should be short and sweet. The longer you strain on the toilet, the more prone you are to hemorrhoids. I love PostSecret books, where you’ll find gems such as this postcard.
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NYC Public Bathroom Guide
After a near-diarrhea experience on the subway today, I realized the importance of having your public bathrooms mapped out in your head. Here’s a list of my trusted, easily-accessible bathrooms in Manhattan. Midtown: Uniqlo Midtown /Upper West: Whole Foods at Columbus circle (bottom floor of mall in the eating area) Midtown /Upper East: Whole Foods(57th…
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Why Am I So Obsessed With Poop?
Probably because it feels fantastic! My goal is to get my clients to take a substantial dump daily. It’s shocking how many women think it’s normal to only poop 2-3 times a week. If that were me, I’d be a raging biatch. I credit my upbringing for my fascination with poop. My father has always thought…