Author: Doody Free Girl
-
Tommy “Detox” DeVito
It is an honor to be graced by the presence of Tom DeVito AKA Tommy Detox, owner of Release NYC (home to Doody Free Girl), on a daily basis. This Guinea from Staten Island may eat like a pussy, but he poops like a rockstar. I expect nothing less from someone who’s been in the colonic…
-
The Only Time You Shouldn’t Squat…
My brother recently educated me on how to conduct yourself when confronted with diarrhea and a squat toilet. His opinion is based on a recent experience in India while visiting his girlfriend. Naturally, he got the Delhi Belly for a few days. What I’ve gathered from our conversation is that the only drawback to the squat toilet…
-
I May Be Chinese, But Chinese Food is Shit.
I don’t think I’m the only one with a neurotic Tiger mom. Ever since my mother learned how to use email, my inbox has been flooded with chain emails protecting me from gang initiation rapes; exploding hands and death resulting from the use of a charging cell phone (complete with graphic photograph of course); setting…
-
24 Hours in Hollywood
In an effort to spread the Doody Free Girls Movement nationwide, I took the liberty of experiencing a jet-setting, 24 hour rendezvous in LA to celebrate the release of friend, Kimberly Snyder’s new book, The Beauty Detox Foods. And let’s be honest, I was hoping to make some celebrity connections. I am reporting back that I made only one connection and that involved Dita…
-
Crapping Your Bed is the Coolest.
Good news, ladies! You are given free rein to poop yourself when in labor. You can even piss yourself if you feel like it. I highly recommend you take full advantage of this opportunity as it’s the only socially acceptable time to poop and pee all over your bed once you’ve made it past adolescense. A pregnant client of…
-
Girls are Dirty.
In an earlier post demanding that guys take better care of their toilets, I failed to mention how despicably filthy women can be when using public toilets. Ironically, men’s public bathrooms are notoriously cleaner than women’s. I’m sick of walking into a public bathroom and slowly checking out the stalls through my periphery in fear of having my heart jump at…
-
Enemas are a Pregnant Lady’s BFF.
If a woman is eating for two, shouldn’t she be pooping for two?? I’ve never been pregnant, but everyone knows pregnant women don’t poop. I’ve been asking all my pregnant clients for some tips & tricks to share with the rest of the knocked up population. It seems like everyone has a different opinion with regards to…
-
PROBLEM: There is Not Enough Paper.
SOLUTION: The Strips Technique. 1. Don’t call out for someone to bring you more toilet paper. You are at work, not at home. 2. Pray to all the gods whose names you remember (even if only vaguely) that you have a packet of tissues in your pocket. Unfortunately, in this kind of situation, it is…