Protein Makes You Constipated

Somewhere along the line, a cultural obsession with protein developed along with the desire to look like this:




Because that’s normal…

I know what bodybuilders go through to look like this and it involves a lot of dead chickens, food obsessing, no life outside the gym, fat burning pills, zero shits (but infinite fucks) and intentional dehydration. I don’t understand why this sounds appealing only to end up looking like The Hulk and forever shop in Plus Size (or not….)


Aside from thinking bodybuilding is some weird shit, I want to drive home the point that we are a protein-obsessed culture. Friends and clients alike ask me all the time how I get my protein since I don’t eat meat or fish. Vegans will always pose the argument that we get substantial, if not excess protein from plant food because a lot of our leafy greens contain the amino acids necessary to build complete proteins in our bodies. One cup of spinach has 7 grams of protein! I mean, have you seen the guns on Popeye!



Meat on the other hand, is a complete protein, which requires our bodies to break down the amino acids before assimilating it. Additionally, some of the proteins are destroyed from cooking. Heavy meat eating can also result in heart and kidney issues, so the healthiest way to get your protein is from your veggies.

So for all my protein-obsessed vegans, there are ways to get beefy without eating beef. My friend and idol, Mike Perrine (@EveryDayDetox), offers up his perfected protein shake recipe. Mike is the biggest fucking vegan hipster, foodie, health-nut kinda dude and yes ladies, he’ll make you some pickles (Tinder profile photo below. Popeye resemblance?).


Follow his Snapchat to learn some invaluable shit, including how to make smoothies the right way and where to find vintage graffiti in NYC. After weeks of begging, he finally produced this recipe chock full of protein derived from hemp seeds. Hemp seeds pack a whopping 5 grams of protein per tablespoon along with 6 times more omega-3s than tuna, plus they’re rich in fiber and trace minerals. It’s pretty much a perfect food.

protein shake vegan



3 T hemp protein
2 T Vitamineral Green
3 Medjool Dates
3 Dried Turkish Figs
Pinch of Celtic Sea Salt
3 C Fresh Almond Walnut Milk (wtf Mike! Who has time for this shit?!)
15 (16 is poisonous) Raw Cacao beans (optional)

  1. Check your dried fruits for bugs and pits.
  2. If you have the time, soak your dates and figs in the nut milk for twenty minutes to one hour.
  3. In a Vitamix blend the first six ingredients until smooth.
  4. Add the cacao beans and pulse for 5 seconds to create the chocolate chip effect.