I have finally arrived at my hotel in Nagano, Japan after what has amounted to nearly 30 hours of travel time from NYC. This trip has been planned for about six months now and is coincidentally serving as a  businessMOON as I will be opening Doody Free Girl right when I get back on March 16th. (So book your gravity colonic appointment online now!)

What started out as a snowboarding trip to Japan has quickly become an investigative research project into all things Asian, namely snacks and toilets. It all started on the airplanes. We first flew 16 hours from JFK to Hong Kong followed by a two hour layover in the Hong Kong airport lounge, a three hour flight to Tokyo and finally, a five hour bus ride to Nagano. While I always recommend that clients not eat on the plane to avoid gas and bloat, I cannot resist airplane food no matter how shitty it is. I will eat whatever is served to me especially if it is foreign and tasty and I will deal with the consequences. So one dinner, fifty snacks and three brunches later, I am feeling like a bloated whale on all counts. Even my legs are bloated despite the compression socks I wore. The only advice I have from this experience is to fart on the plane and to fart often. Everyone is sleeping anyway. Go to the bathroom and pee often because you’ll be surprised at how much gas pressure is relieved once you pee.

This brings me to the Japanese and their profound respect for the wash room. My first experience was at the rest stop on our last leg of travel in Japan. While purchasing some mystery Japanese snacks, it was unbeknownst to me that I was about to have the most luxurious bathroom experience ever, never mind at a rest stop. I walked in to the enormous restroom and there was a digital switchboard informing you which stalls were available. Each stall has generous room and a heated toilet seat complete with bidet attachment. I did not have enough time to play around with the bidet, nor did I want to because my Seattle experience left a scar, but sitting on a warm toilet seat at a cold rest stop is priceless!

In our hotel room, the entire bathroom is small and efficient, resembling that of a room on a cruise ship. The faucet for the sink doubles as the faucet for the shower. And of course, the toilet has a bidet attachment! This one is slightly different than anything I’ve ever experienced because the bowl fills with water the second you sit on the toilet seat. Although I  cannot seem to find much logic in that even with regards to water efficiency, I’m sure there is sound reason behind it. The Japanese seem to be winning at life. I mean, have you seen how they fold their socks??