Author: Doody Free Girl
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Anal Fissures
A friend recently opened up to me about her problem with anal fissures. Scientifically speaking, anal fissures can happen when a rock hard turd slices one’s asshole. The problem is that every time she’d use the bathroom after that initial tear, the scab would re-open. The act of going to the bathroom hurt so bad that…
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iPhone Survives the Toilet.
iPhone Status: Alive. Today a client told me her phone survived the pedicure spa basin without having to keep it in a cup of rice afterward. Apparently, if you have a solid case on your phone, an iPhone can go through a lot of crap.
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There’s Something In The Water.
Everyone’s been figuratively and literally dropping crap in the water here in Lobitos, Peru. We are down two cameras due to faulty underwater housing and today, I may have to kiss my IPhone goodbye due to negligent toilet behavior. As I’ve expressed in recent blog posts, we are to flush the toilet sparingly here not…
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The Aqua Dump.
I’ve been urinating in the ocean only since 2005. I remember drinking heavily at a July 4th boat party in Miami that year, and desperately needing to break the seal. Most of the boat bathrooms were either closed for use or occupied, forcing me to just pee in the water like everyone else. I vividly…
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Friends Don’t Let Friends Crap Their Pants.
Day Four. My housemates continue to educate me on even more flushing solutions when faced with an H2O shortage. While on a 20 minute long distance call with her boyfriend all about his recent food poisoning diarrhea, this housemate suddenly received the urge to go via satellite. Apparently, it’s contagious amongst couples. However, she was…
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Just Add Water.
My last blog post brings me to an important point. If you are taking a dump at your boyfriend’s for the first time, make sure there is enough water in the back tank simply by making sure that the black floaty balloon thing is in fact, floating. If not, figure out a way to transport…
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Moving Toilets and Whatnot.
I’ve made it safely to Lobitos, Peru, but not without any bathroom issues. Bathroom problems only leave room for solutions and blog material, so I welcome a good bathroom challenge. I hope to enlighten you. Getting to Lobitos entails a 19 hour bus ride from Lima with no bathroom stops, subjecting passengers to the moving…
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Not So Private.
I arrived in Peru safely Friday night and stayed in the same hostel I enjoyed four years ago. Although I stayed in a private room with my own private bathroom across the hallway, I’ve arrived at the conclusion that I’m just too old for this crap. Having to exit the room to use the facilities…
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The Airplane Poo.
I’m at the airport squeezing in one last blog post before my flight to Peru, and hopefully soon squeezing out a nice juicy log before boarding time. As I sit here in the lavish business center I think I just snuck into, I can’t help but think about that one time I actually took a…
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Cover Or Hover?
Once again, my mother is to blame for my paranoia. She has had almost complete control of my bathroom habits for the first half of my life thus far. It was with her that I first experienced the luxury of a public restroom, but not without fear of contracting a life-threatening virus. She showed me the proper…