I just ran out of my Cow Fart Juice and realized I’ve never shared my skin secret! Okay, so the big secret is that I don’t wash my face…like EVER. My face has never felt good after washing it. Instead, my face would get so dry and itchy, I would have to smother “night cream”…

I’m at the Tokyo airport right now waiting to board my flight to Hong Kong. This trip has revealed how grossly inferior the American race is to the Japanese with regards to anal hygiene. They even sell toilet attachments in Duty Free for goodness sake! I already ordered a Toto Washlet for the office, but what…

Last night, I dragged a friend to a one-man show about the social history of defecation and its effects on the planet and ultimately, our bodies. I know, she’s a really good friend. While I’m not a fan of corny Improv-ish humor, the show was short and sweet and quite informative. The star of the…

I am so excited that I found this abdominal workout video on YouTube! I have been a devotee to this particular 20 minute Winsor Pilates Ab Sculpting video since high school. I even got the football team in college into it because it’s that good! But due to recent DVD-player restraints (or lack there-of), I…

In high school, I would get sent home on the regular for passing out from my debilitating menstrual cramps. Passing out would give me the same instant relief like throwing up or having diarrhea. I wonder if I can survive giving birth? Apparently, those cramps are caused by the body’s release of a chemical signal called…

I’ve already established that I’m a fan of one-ply toilet paper understandably so. But for those who refuse to demote themselves to the degrading one-ply, I encourage you to a) think about the toilet paper shortages all over the world  (I’ll be running that line on my future children even more than the “starving children in Africa” line) and…

A client last week told me that a fart woke her up that morning. Better her than her boyfriend. Mastering the silent rip is an art. Ladies, we all fart in our sleep. Sleep farts are a necessary evil that keep us from feeling like a bloated whale all day. While your midnight farts sound…

Always keep a bathroom fully stocked with toilet paper. The End.

Yeah you do and so does your boyfriend. Unless you guys think it’s cute to look like you’re expecting, I assure you there are no benefits to holding in your gas. There is nothing more despicable than a poorly executed fart. I’m not into Dutch Ovens or any sort of loud, smelly varieties. I’m a…

Toilet paper gets more play than your vibrator, so naturally, the choice of one ply or two ply is a very intimate preference. To my surpise, many of my clients have never experienced the rawness of one ply. I’m not sure whether to attribute this overwhelming vote for two ply to Charmin’s cuddly teddy bear…