Jersey City Art Studio Tour Kick-Off Party TOMORROW!

Come meet me at the Jersey City Art Studio Tour (thejcast.com) Kick-Off Party tomorrow night at Lackawanna Center in Jersey City. Blackbird Gallery & Art Studio and I will be there with our POoP-Up Photo Booth to take pictures of your best poop face on my golden throne!

 

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A Pork-Free BBQ.

I had an amazing Saturday filled with old and new clients followed by the 6th Annual Hamilton Park BBQ where I met this vegan pig making quite the ironic statement…

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Needless to say, I was in no mood to eat pig, so I bought some radish kimchee from the Korean BBQ spot called Ahri’s Kitchen instead. I am very excited to have discovered this spot, which is located on 7th Street in downtown Jersey City. All of their main dishes come with a side of kimchi, which is loaded with probiotics to aid in digestion of the heavier dishes. Check out their menu here.

Jersey City’s All About Downtown Street Fair TOMORROW!

Come explore what Downtown Jersey City has to offer tomorrow! All of Newark Street near the Grove Street Path station will become a street fair representing all of Jersey City’s local businesses. I will be hanging out at my landlord’s tent (BGT Enterprises and The Brunswick School) near the Bank of America building on Newark Street. Come say hi! If I’m not there, I’m probably walking around talking to strangers about colonics…of course…

 

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Parasites!

One of my new favorite TV shows I discovered last year when I was home sick one day is called The Monsters Inside Me. This show is definitely not recommended for my hypochondriacs. You will learn first-hand about rare cases of parasite infestations that many times result in neurological disorders and even death. Many of the victims contracted parasites from their travels where they literally found themselves eating shit, stepping in shit and getting the shits.

While I wouldn’t consider myself an avid traveler, I’ve definitely spent sufficient time in the jungle of Costa Rica and in the coastal deserts of Peru and Mexico (suspect areas according to the show). I will never forget my debilitating shitstorm on my first trip to Peru. All night, I was repeating a delicious mango I had eaten but not washed beforehand because it was so ripe the skin had torn. I just peeled it and ate it when I should have tossed it because consequently, I ate some parasites. My last visit to Peru involved some strange stomach aches as well and every night I would contemplate a parasite cleanse upon my return. Ultimately, I never went through with a parasite cleanse and I am glad for that.

According to Dr. Robynne Chutkan (a NY Times best-selling author and gastroenterologist) in her book, Gutbliss,

If you think you have a parasite, it’s always better to get diagnosed and figure out if you really do, and, if so, which specific one. The treatments can differ dramatically, from single-dose over-the-counter cures to weeks of prescription medication. There are lots of natural remedies, too, including things that may already be in your kitchen, like garlic, black walnuts, papaya seeds, and cloves. Wormwood tea is effective against many parasites and can be brewed at home, but it’s not without potential side effects, including sleep disturbances and possible organ damage.

In the absence of a diagnosis, beware of signing up for Internet cures that may or may not work and could have unpleasant side effects you hadn’t bargained on. you may ultimately need to see an infectious disease specialist or someone with expertise in parasitology. Be sure to ask when you make the appointment if they’re familiar with diagnosing and treating parasites.

Additionally, the thought of having dead parasites floating around in my body doesn’t sound appealing nor any healthier than having live parasites. Here are Dr. Chutkan’s “Gutbliss Solutions for Parasites” as listed in her best-selling book, Gutbliss:

If you’re exposed to a parasite, the likelihood of whether it will set up shop in your digestive tract and cause symptoms is, like other types of infections, related in part to how healthy your immune system is.

  • A nourishing diet, lots of rest and exercise, and avoiding chemicals and other toxins are part of creating a healthy immune system and preventing parasites from taking hold.
  • As is the case for bacteria, parasites have a sweet tooth, so limiting starchy, sugary foods can be an important part of preventing or treating a parasitic infection.
  • Maintaining healthy levels of good bacteria in your gut by avoiding unnecessary antibiotics an drugs that change the pH will also help to discourage growth of parasites.
  • Eating a high-fiber diet and taking a daily tablespoon of ground psyllium husk powder cleans out the intestines and can help to remove parasite eggs that may be attempting to make a home.
  • Eating foods rich in vitamin A precursors, such as carrots and sweet potatoes, can help prevent parasitic larvae from penetrating, and raw garlic also has antiparasitic qualities.
  • Parasites can be transmitted from dogs and other pets, so make sure yours are regularly checked for worms and that their feces are properly disposed of. You also need to be on the lookout for whether your pet might be eating the infected stool of other animals, a practice that’s not uncommon among puppies.
  • To avoid coming into contact with infected stool, don’t walk barefoot where animals have been.
  • Wear gloves when gardening and make sure you’re not watering vegetables with a contaminated water supply from a septic tank.
  • Strict hand washing, careful washing of fruits and vegetables, filtering your drinking water, and avoiding raw and undercooked meat are also important preventive tactics. I’ve seen parasites in people doing a juice cleanse who weren’t washing the produce well before juicing it.
  • As much as I love them, salad bars can also be opportunities for contamination of food. One University of California study secretly observed a salad bar and found that over half the diners were in serious violation of the rules, using their fingers to sample the food and committing other hygiene transgressions.
  • Poor sanitation in public or community spaces, especially in places such as nursing homes and day care centers, contributes to the spread of parasites.

Resources: Monsters Inside Me, Gutbliss by Robynne Chutkan, M.D., FASGE

 

A Non-Smelly Period!

One of my favorite clients introduced me to a low-maintenance, eco-friendly way to manage my period sans tampons or pads. It’s called a Diva Cup and is exactly as it sounds. It is basically a 2 ounce food-grade silicone cup that you fold up and insert into your vagina. Once in, it unfolds and collects your blood. You can keep it in there for up to 12 hours and then rinse it off with the Diva Cup cleanser or boil it in hot water for 8 minutes. It should be replaced upon your discretion, depending how often you use it. Diva Cup suggests it be replaced every year, but Mooncup (a competitor) claims it lasts for years and years as long as the shape remains in tact and the material is not compromised (check for stickiness).

I bought my Diva Cup about six months ago at Whole Foods, but only got around to using it the few times that I would normally wear a tampon. I am more of a maxi-pad kind of girl because the thought of an absorbent tampon sitting in my vagina grosses me out. I’d rather have everything naturally flow down and then just sit in my gnarly pad. There are really no good options here.

But the Diva Cup is certainly revolutionizing the whole menstruation experience. Once inserted, the cup creates a bit of a suction, blocking any leakage or stank, and thus, any dogs in heat from sticking their heads in your crotch. On a heavy day, a tiny bit of fluid may sneak past, so wear a mini-pad just in case. The first few times I used it, I felt like a pubescent girl using a tampon for the first time. Removing it was tricky and quite painful, but I have gotten used to the process and look forward to observing my blood flow and its consistency. It’s no wonder that women in ancient times thought they were bleeding out!

I was worried about the repercussion of peeing and shitting while wearing the Diva Cup. At least tampons are cheap and somewhat flushable, but if my Diva Cup went flying into the toilet bowl during a forceful evacuation, especially in a public restroom, I would not be happy about fishing out the $40 cup. I am pleased to announce you can pee and shit full throttle while wearing a Diva Cup without consequence.

Cheers!

 

period Diva Cup and colonics

 

 

A Load of Crap.

I’ve been watching a lot of TV lately. Don’t ask me what, but the recurring commercials on my favorite channels are for vaginal mesh class action suits and those for prescription acne medication, Onexton and prescription irritable bowel syndrome (IBS) medication, Linzess. Pharmaceutical commercials are my favorite, especially the part where they whisper all of the side effects like the fine print of a used car commercial, half of which are the same or even worse than the original problem!

First let’s look at Onexton. Aside from bowel trouble, the most worrisome side effect if I were to even consider taking this medication for acne is swelling of the face! Choose: acne or swollen face? The list goes on to include bloody diarrhea, trouble breathing, and rash, none of which are ever of immediate concern when battling acne. I get it. I was on birth control for four years back in college and I could give a shit about blood clots and death as long as I didn’t get knocked up and then knocked out by my parents.

Now let’s look at Linzess. Many of my clients have taken Linzess with varying results. The truth is, this is a new drug and the counterproductive side effects are as follows: gas, abdominal pain, abdominal distention, severe diarrhea and more that are not currently listed on the website. So while you may take the medication because you suffer from gas, abdominal pain, distention and/or severe diarrhea, Linzess could potentially make it worse. Clients and friends of mine whom I’ve known to take Linzess for the most part, find it successful at first, but then its effects wear off and sometimes get worse.

My point of view on prescription drugs is that they are all experimental. In fact, they were most likely tested extensively on animals and you, my friend, are the human trial. You are taking a huge risk just to mask the root issue, which is almost always healed by addressing emotional health, food consumption, and overall lifestyle. If you receive my weekly newsletters, you and I both know that this bitch ain’t taking Linzess…

Linzess

Hide Your Bloat.

Bloat is a bitch and it can creep up on you the day of an important event. Luckily, one of my closest friends is a buyer for one of the most prestigious department stores in the world and has offered up her expert advice on how to hide your bloat in style. She attends all of the runway shows in Paris and advises me on how to copy all of her favorite looks for a fraction of the cost. Her latest obsession is the store, Zara, which she believes copies the runway best.  She provided the following advice for those days when you’re feeling like a bloated whale.

 

Bloat and Fashion
2015 Chloe Runway
bloat and kaftan
2015 Zara Online Catalog


“Boho hides the bloat. Caftans are a great way to cover up and still be beachy if you’re not feeling bikini-ready quite yet.”

Bloat and black dress
2015 Givenchy Runway
bloat and off-the-shoulder dress
2015 Zara Online Catalog


“An open shoulder is a perfect way to wear a loose fitting dress or top that hides the parts you want to be hidden, but also shows some skin in a sexy
way.”

bloat and denim dress
2015 Chloe Runway
bloat and denim copy
2015 Zara Online Catalog

“Denim is really on trend right now and even better, it is light enough for summer and also forgiving enough to hide any areas that you don’t want exposed.”

bloat and chloe runway
2015 Chloe Runway
bloat and oversize dress
2015 Zara Online Catalog


“This oversized shape is the ultimate answer to hiding a bloated stomach-or anything at all for that matter.” 

bloat and wedding
2015 Zara Online Catalog
bloat and lace
2015 Chloe Runway

“Shift dresses are always in style and are always an easy shape to wear. They’re basically just a square, so everything underneath is sure to be concealed.”

bloat and overalls
2015 Zara Online Catalog
bloat and nina ricci resort
2015 Nina Ricci (Resort)

“Overalls came back around last year and are still going strong. Whether you ate something that didn’t agree with you or its that time of the month, overalls will surely hide it! These lace versions are a super fun update for summer.”

Never Wipe Your Ass With Leaves (of Three).

A recent “detox rash” turned out to be a torturous case of poison ivy. Wrapping it up the way I did to cover it only made it spread across my entire forearm! I’ve never had poison ivy before and for whatever reason, thought it was just some mythological beast, despite the memory of my friend in third grade who had a crusty case of it all over her face.

Contracting poison ivy has taught me some valuable life lessons:

1. Poison ivy does exist and it looks like this (the middle leaf has an exposed stem):  poison-ivy

2. Don’t touch furry strangers.

3. You probably shouldn’t rub your genitals with anything you find in the woods.

4. Don’t scratch a poison ivy rash. Instead, melt ice cubes on it to take care of the itch.

5. Liver cleanses may or may not cause you to break out in a devastating rash.

For a minute, I was fed up with these liver cleanses and the rashes they seemed to start promising. I will be starting my next one this week for anyone who cares to join!

Open House!

If you’re a little shy about irrigating your ass and whatnot, please come by my open house this Saturday, June 6th from 12-3pm. I will be here to give you presents, show you around and answer all of your anal questions.

I am located on the third floor of The Brunswick Center (189 Brunswick Street, Jersey City, NJ 07302), which was formerly a Catholic school. The Brunswick Center is Jersey City’s first ever wellness and education center, comprised of mostly fitness studios (Power-house Pilates, Jersey City Ballet, Rush Cycling, Jersey City Kickboxing, Jersey City Ballroom Dancing) and colon cleansing (hehe).

Jersey City Ballet will be hosting a free 45 minute ballet bar workout at noon. I love this workout and hope you can come try it for yourself!

Bring your friends. Bring your enemies. There will be plenty of food and wine for all from Jersey City’s finest caterers and vendors on the main floor. Just make sure you bring an extra glass of wine up to the third floor 😉

xoxo jen

 

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