Monsters Inside Me Season Premiere!

No, I don’t get excited for Game of Thrones, The Walking Dead, Mad Men, Homeland, Modern Family, House of Cards, or vampire shit…

I do however, get excited for the Real Housewives, Shark Tank, anything on ID network AND most of all……

Monsters Inside Me

You may think I just have bad taste in television programming, but I beg of you to watch the two hour season premiere of Monsters Inside Me airing on the Animal Planet at 8pm this week…you may or may not regret it…

Tom’s Famous Salad

Doody Free Girl is closed on Tuesdays because I work in Manhattan every Tuesday at Release NYC, where I was trained back in 2009 by the owner and my mentor, Tom DeVito. For those following my blog, you know Tom DeVito is a fucking anomaly. Last night, we had a belated 53rd birthday celebration for the guinea at the Flatiron Room, a scotch whiskey lounge complete with live music, where we discovered the joys of LaGavulin Double Matured Single Malt Scotch Whiskey.

But before heading to the lounge, Tom and I completed a day full of intestinal cleanings followed by a dinner composed of Tom’s Famous Salad. I felt impelled to share this recipe with you because I’ve already taken two glorious dumps this morning even though I’m normally a once-a-dayer. Whether credit is due to the whiskey or the salad is unimportant because both are delicious! Cheers!

Tom’s Famous Salad (feeds a village, but only one Tom DeVito)

1 head romaine
1 bunch curly kale
1 box heirloom cherry tomatoes
2 avocados
herbamare
garlic powder
onion powder
cayenne pepper
oregano
fresh lime juice of 1 lime

First ya gotta clean yuh kale and yuh ledduce. Then yuh gotta spin dat shit til it’s dry. I friggin hate soggy greens…

Translation: Clean the greens and spin dry using a salad spinner. Mix with the chopped tomatoes, avocado & lime juice and smother with as much seasoning as you fancy. Enjoy your epic bowel movement tomorrow!

Happy Fall!

James Bae, an acupuncturist I used to see regularly when I lived in Brooklyn, is a practitioner of Ayurveda, an ancient, holistic Indian medical system that uses food and herbs as medicine. He would tell me that the Fall is the season for colon cleansing! It had something to do with the change of seasons and as you know, I’m always game for a good Colon Blow.

James would also look at my tongue before we even got started with the needles because in Ayurveda, the tongue is a roadmap to one’s health. It is literally an extension of the digestive tract and different textures, lines, films and shapes can indicate an imbalance in the body.

According to naturopath Caroline Robertson,

Before assessing your tongue it helps to know what a healthy tongue looks like. Likened to a little kitten’s tongue, it is uniformly pink, similar to a skinned chicken. It is oval in shape, neither too thick nor too thin and has an even width. When sticking out it’s naturally straight rather than veering to one side. The tongue of a healthy person will remain still and strong, not quivering, flaccid or stiff. A healthy tongue has a thin transparent or white coating. It displays all taste buds and is free from red or glassy patches, deep cuts and denuded patches. It is neither too dry nor too wet and it doesn’t emit a bad odor or taste. The veins on the underside of the tongue will not be distended or dark.

Any sort of cracks, coatings, patches, raised areas, discolorations or indentations in the center of the tongue and/or the back center of the tongue can indicate some sort of imbalance in the stomach and intestines.

Book your Fall Colon Blow today!

Jersey City Art Studio Tour Kick-Off Party TOMORROW!

Come meet me at the Jersey City Art Studio Tour (thejcast.com) Kick-Off Party tomorrow night at Lackawanna Center in Jersey City. Blackbird Gallery & Art Studio and I will be there with our POoP-Up Photo Booth to take pictures of your best poop face on my golden throne!

 

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A Pork-Free BBQ.

I had an amazing Saturday filled with old and new clients followed by the 6th Annual Hamilton Park BBQ where I met this vegan pig making quite the ironic statement…

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Needless to say, I was in no mood to eat pig, so I bought some radish kimchee from the Korean BBQ spot called Ahri’s Kitchen instead. I am very excited to have discovered this spot, which is located on 7th Street in downtown Jersey City. All of their main dishes come with a side of kimchi, which is loaded with probiotics to aid in digestion of the heavier dishes. Check out their menu here.

Jersey City’s All About Downtown Street Fair TOMORROW!

Come explore what Downtown Jersey City has to offer tomorrow! All of Newark Street near the Grove Street Path station will become a street fair representing all of Jersey City’s local businesses. I will be hanging out at my landlord’s tent (BGT Enterprises and The Brunswick School) near the Bank of America building on Newark Street. Come say hi! If I’m not there, I’m probably walking around talking to strangers about colonics…of course…

 

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Parasites!

One of my new favorite TV shows I discovered last year when I was home sick one day is called The Monsters Inside Me. This show is definitely not recommended for my hypochondriacs. You will learn first-hand about rare cases of parasite infestations that many times result in neurological disorders and even death. Many of the victims contracted parasites from their travels where they literally found themselves eating shit, stepping in shit and getting the shits.

While I wouldn’t consider myself an avid traveler, I’ve definitely spent sufficient time in the jungle of Costa Rica and in the coastal deserts of Peru and Mexico (suspect areas according to the show). I will never forget my debilitating shitstorm on my first trip to Peru. All night, I was repeating a delicious mango I had eaten but not washed beforehand because it was so ripe the skin had torn. I just peeled it and ate it when I should have tossed it because consequently, I ate some parasites. My last visit to Peru involved some strange stomach aches as well and every night I would contemplate a parasite cleanse upon my return. Ultimately, I never went through with a parasite cleanse and I am glad for that.

According to Dr. Robynne Chutkan (a NY Times best-selling author and gastroenterologist) in her book, Gutbliss,

If you think you have a parasite, it’s always better to get diagnosed and figure out if you really do, and, if so, which specific one. The treatments can differ dramatically, from single-dose over-the-counter cures to weeks of prescription medication. There are lots of natural remedies, too, including things that may already be in your kitchen, like garlic, black walnuts, papaya seeds, and cloves. Wormwood tea is effective against many parasites and can be brewed at home, but it’s not without potential side effects, including sleep disturbances and possible organ damage.

In the absence of a diagnosis, beware of signing up for Internet cures that may or may not work and could have unpleasant side effects you hadn’t bargained on. you may ultimately need to see an infectious disease specialist or someone with expertise in parasitology. Be sure to ask when you make the appointment if they’re familiar with diagnosing and treating parasites.

Additionally, the thought of having dead parasites floating around in my body doesn’t sound appealing nor any healthier than having live parasites. Here are Dr. Chutkan’s “Gutbliss Solutions for Parasites” as listed in her best-selling book, Gutbliss:

If you’re exposed to a parasite, the likelihood of whether it will set up shop in your digestive tract and cause symptoms is, like other types of infections, related in part to how healthy your immune system is.

  • A nourishing diet, lots of rest and exercise, and avoiding chemicals and other toxins are part of creating a healthy immune system and preventing parasites from taking hold.
  • As is the case for bacteria, parasites have a sweet tooth, so limiting starchy, sugary foods can be an important part of preventing or treating a parasitic infection.
  • Maintaining healthy levels of good bacteria in your gut by avoiding unnecessary antibiotics an drugs that change the pH will also help to discourage growth of parasites.
  • Eating a high-fiber diet and taking a daily tablespoon of ground psyllium husk powder cleans out the intestines and can help to remove parasite eggs that may be attempting to make a home.
  • Eating foods rich in vitamin A precursors, such as carrots and sweet potatoes, can help prevent parasitic larvae from penetrating, and raw garlic also has antiparasitic qualities.
  • Parasites can be transmitted from dogs and other pets, so make sure yours are regularly checked for worms and that their feces are properly disposed of. You also need to be on the lookout for whether your pet might be eating the infected stool of other animals, a practice that’s not uncommon among puppies.
  • To avoid coming into contact with infected stool, don’t walk barefoot where animals have been.
  • Wear gloves when gardening and make sure you’re not watering vegetables with a contaminated water supply from a septic tank.
  • Strict hand washing, careful washing of fruits and vegetables, filtering your drinking water, and avoiding raw and undercooked meat are also important preventive tactics. I’ve seen parasites in people doing a juice cleanse who weren’t washing the produce well before juicing it.
  • As much as I love them, salad bars can also be opportunities for contamination of food. One University of California study secretly observed a salad bar and found that over half the diners were in serious violation of the rules, using their fingers to sample the food and committing other hygiene transgressions.
  • Poor sanitation in public or community spaces, especially in places such as nursing homes and day care centers, contributes to the spread of parasites.

Resources: Monsters Inside Me, Gutbliss by Robynne Chutkan, M.D., FASGE

 

A Non-Smelly Period!

One of my favorite clients introduced me to a low-maintenance, eco-friendly way to manage my period sans tampons or pads. It’s called a Diva Cup and is exactly as it sounds. It is basically a 2 ounce food-grade silicone cup that you fold up and insert into your vagina. Once in, it unfolds and collects your blood. You can keep it in there for up to 12 hours and then rinse it off with the Diva Cup cleanser or boil it in hot water for 8 minutes. It should be replaced upon your discretion, depending how often you use it. Diva Cup suggests it be replaced every year, but Mooncup (a competitor) claims it lasts for years and years as long as the shape remains in tact and the material is not compromised (check for stickiness).

I bought my Diva Cup about six months ago at Whole Foods, but only got around to using it the few times that I would normally wear a tampon. I am more of a maxi-pad kind of girl because the thought of an absorbent tampon sitting in my vagina grosses me out. I’d rather have everything naturally flow down and then just sit in my gnarly pad. There are really no good options here.

But the Diva Cup is certainly revolutionizing the whole menstruation experience. Once inserted, the cup creates a bit of a suction, blocking any leakage or stank, and thus, any dogs in heat from sticking their heads in your crotch. On a heavy day, a tiny bit of fluid may sneak past, so wear a mini-pad just in case. The first few times I used it, I felt like a pubescent girl using a tampon for the first time. Removing it was tricky and quite painful, but I have gotten used to the process and look forward to observing my blood flow and its consistency. It’s no wonder that women in ancient times thought they were bleeding out!

I was worried about the repercussion of peeing and shitting while wearing the Diva Cup. At least tampons are cheap and somewhat flushable, but if my Diva Cup went flying into the toilet bowl during a forceful evacuation, especially in a public restroom, I would not be happy about fishing out the $40 cup. I am pleased to announce you can pee and shit full throttle while wearing a Diva Cup without consequence.

Cheers!

 

period Diva Cup and colonics

 

 

A Load of Crap.

I’ve been watching a lot of TV lately. Don’t ask me what, but the recurring commercials on my favorite channels are for vaginal mesh class action suits and those for prescription acne medication, Onexton and prescription irritable bowel syndrome (IBS) medication, Linzess. Pharmaceutical commercials are my favorite, especially the part where they whisper all of the side effects like the fine print of a used car commercial, half of which are the same or even worse than the original problem!

First let’s look at Onexton. Aside from bowel trouble, the most worrisome side effect if I were to even consider taking this medication for acne is swelling of the face! Choose: acne or swollen face? The list goes on to include bloody diarrhea, trouble breathing, and rash, none of which are ever of immediate concern when battling acne. I get it. I was on birth control for four years back in college and I could give a shit about blood clots and death as long as I didn’t get knocked up and then knocked out by my parents.

Now let’s look at Linzess. Many of my clients have taken Linzess with varying results. The truth is, this is a new drug and the counterproductive side effects are as follows: gas, abdominal pain, abdominal distention, severe diarrhea and more that are not currently listed on the website. So while you may take the medication because you suffer from gas, abdominal pain, distention and/or severe diarrhea, Linzess could potentially make it worse. Clients and friends of mine whom I’ve known to take Linzess for the most part, find it successful at first, but then its effects wear off and sometimes get worse.

My point of view on prescription drugs is that they are all experimental. In fact, they were most likely tested extensively on animals and you, my friend, are the human trial. You are taking a huge risk just to mask the root issue, which is almost always healed by addressing emotional health, food consumption, and overall lifestyle. If you receive my weekly newsletters, you and I both know that this bitch ain’t taking Linzess…

Linzess