A Rededication

One of my most loyal and dedicated clients always stresses the importance of maintaining a gratitude journal. I don’t like to waste paper, but rest assured, I keep a mental log (pun? yes.)

I am forever grateful to my parents and the opportunity they have afforded me in this country. Both of my parents come from humble beginnings. My father barely escaped communist Cuba and my mother was raised with her three other siblings in a one bedroom apartment sans toilet in Chinatown NYC. Fortunately, my parents met in high school and I (perhaps unfortunately) am the result of that union.

My father’s parents lived with us for the rest of their lives. But before my ass ever entered this world, my grandparents first worked their asses off in different factories right here in New Jersey. My dad somberly recalls my grandfather returning from the handbag factory every night curled over in pain due to strenuous work and his underlying Crohn’s disease. He ultimately had to have sections of his intestines removed in two separate surgeries and was unable to enjoy the simple pleasures of life like a beer with chicarrones (you Cubans know what I’m talking about!).

I have clients who have Chrohn’s disease, an inflammation of the digestive tract. While many doctors advise against colonics for those who suffer from Chrohn’s, I can only speak from my experience with said clients that despite the inability to cure the disease, colonics have helped alleviate their symptoms.

That said, I wish so badly that my grandfather never suffered. I don’t think he would have let me give him a colonic, but I hope those suffering from Chrohn’s disease today keep an open mind to a simple anal water flush. I’ve always dedicated my blog to my clients, specifically my females. But in my rededication, I wish to include my grandfather and all people suffering from inflammatory bowel disease.

xoxo jen

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My dad and Abuelo.

I Thinx Not!!!

Two things happened yesterday: I got my period and one of my favorite clients did too, only in the worst way. She was testing out the new Thinx underwear that are designed to absorb two tampons worth of menstruation. You may have seen the following obscene advertisements in the subway (the girl in the first ad is not me):

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My client can attest that these panties do not have your back, as she bled straight through on to her pants even while wearing a tampon. I’m not sure how I feel about period soaked panties anyhow…I’ll stick to my nasty period soaked pads and Diva Cup for now.

Non-Crusty Winter Skin? Yes, please.

Hey all! Hope you’re having a great weekend. I am typing this on my way home from a ski trip to Sugarbush Mountain in Vermont with my brother and his girlfriend. Just thought I’d share a skin tip with those suffering from dry skin this winter. It’s been pretty cold up here with some days requiring a face mask while snowboarding. I noticed that my fleece-lined face mask not only helped my face stay warm, but also very soft and hydrated from my very own CO2! So find yourself a fleece lined scarf that you can cover the lower half of your face with during the colder, dryer days.

Another tip is not to leave the house without slabbing some raw shea butter on your face to protect your face against the elements. Shea butter naturally contains SPF 6 and is also anti-aging, so just do it. You can learn more about shea butter and all my other tricks by signing up for my skin cleanse newsletter on the Colonic Services page. Join the Matrix…

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Downtown Jersey City Health Markets

Many of my NYC clients find themselves foraging for health food in Jersey City after their colonics. Look no further… here is a list of my favorite health markets in Jersey City and what they each offer:

Subia’s Organic Cafe: About a ten minute walk from the Doody Free Girl headquarters, Subia’s is located at 506 Jersey Ave. Subia’s is both a small health market and vegan cafe owned by two sisters. Patience is a virtue here, so don’t come here if you’re in a rush, although it’s well-worth the wait. The soup of the day is always an excellent option post-colonic or a fresh juice/smoothie. Everything is organic. Closed on Mondays.

Key Food: All you city folk know about Key Food. Well, there’s one in Jersey City about a five minute walk from the Doody shop, located at 574 Jersey Avenue (about a ten minute walk down the street from Subia’s Organic Cafe). This Key Food has plenty of fresh produce and healthy snacks.

P&K Fruit Market: This friendly family-owned health bodega in downtown Jersey City has the best avocados in town. I practically stop in here daily to grab avocados, limes, and a box of organic greens. They also carry a great line of local vegan cheeses and vegan burgers called Jersey City Veggie Burgers in the freezer section that only read a handful of recognizable ingredients.

Nature’s House: Another friendly family-owned health market that offers fresh juices in the front along with many specialty items throughout. There isn’t a whole lot of fresh food here, but it’s fun to browse through the teas, incense, body products and supplements. They also carry my favorite coffee alternative, Dandy Blend.

 

Happy New Year!

Happy New Years, everybody! You may already know that I love me some resolutions

Last year, my aim was to clean out my liver because Andreas Moritz, author of The Liver and Gallbladder Miracle Cleanse, connects body imbalance to a congested liver. Just before the new year last year, I was experiencing terrible menstrual cramps. My client who pointed me to Moritz’s liver cleanse affirmed that severe menstrual cramps are an abnormal occurrence that can be addressed by cleaning out the liver, which is responsible for proper circulation. By end of 2015, I completed five or six (I forget) liver cleanses and I can now say (knock on wood) that I have not experienced a horrible menstrual cramp since 2014.

Oddly enough, I haven’t really made any resolutions for 2016. I guess overall, I want to keep my email inbox under 1,000 emails and to drink more water. It’s going to be a tough year!

 

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Fart Basel Miami 2015

Art Basel Miami – one of the world’s biggest art shows for art collectors and spectators alike – just wrapped up its 13th annual show complete with art, swanky parties, stabbings, and such….but don’t worry, @FartBasel has got you covered…

What you know about my GREEN FART SQUAD!? ☘ #kimsimonson #fartbasel #artbasel

A photo posted by Fart Basel (@fartbasel) on

HOLD THE PHONE: @deandeluca is literally cutting the cheese. #FARTBASEL win ??? A photo posted by Fart Basel (@fartbasel) on

META ? #regram @carlstwitt

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SHIT JUST GOT REAL. ? (Stabbing at the fair #regram @jerrysaltz) A photo posted by Fart Basel (@fartbasel) on

Happy Thanksgiving!

Happy Thanksgiving!! I am so grateful for my family, friends/clients and new clients alike…wishing you all a wonderful day! In honor of you, I would love to extend my Brown Friday special to all new and existing clients. This Friday and Saturday colonics are 20% off!!! Email me for appointments. xoxo jen

 

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Monsters Inside Me Season Premiere!

No, I don’t get excited for Game of Thrones, The Walking Dead, Mad Men, Homeland, Modern Family, House of Cards, or vampire shit…

I do however, get excited for the Real Housewives, Shark Tank, anything on ID network AND most of all……

Monsters Inside Me

You may think I just have bad taste in television programming, but I beg of you to watch the two hour season premiere of Monsters Inside Me airing on the Animal Planet at 8pm this week…you may or may not regret it…