The Braxton Shits

With my 11/29 due date approaching, I was convinced that I was in labor Saturday morning. I woke up around 4am with fleeting abdominal cramps, so I started timing my contractions, which were about 30 minutes apart. From all of my research and confirmation from my doula, I understand that there’s no need to rush to the hospital until it becomes difficult to hold a conversation. I was still able to complain very vocally to my partner until the break of dawn, so the only place I kept rushing to was the toilet.

Although my doula told me diarrhea leading up to labor is the body’s mechanism for clearing the body for delivery, I’m pretty sure my regular bouts of diarrhea Saturday morning were more due to my Friday discovery and consumption of frozen Dark Chocolate Peanut Butter Kind bars from BJs Wholesale. These delicious 180 calorie bars probably net 20 calories by the time all of the chicory root fiber, tapioca syrup, peanuts, and almond milk goodness coursed through my cramped digestive tract at record speed. So if you’re going to eat crap, at least eat the kind that craps out quickly, right?!

maternity leave / pregnancy

Thanks to these Kind colonic bars, I am now officially scared shitless for what will transpire in the next week or two. I’ve read and been told (by an optimistic few) that labor feels like taking a huge shit, so it can’t be that bad, right? In any case, I’m still pregnant for those wondering and although maternity leave officially started last week, I am always available to answer all of your shitty questions. Feel free to text or email me over the next few weeks/months and I will respond as soon as possible. And in the meantime, remember to stock up on toilet paper (BJs Wholesale is already limiting TP sales!) and keep taking your Metagenics Immune Booster probiotics, which promote nasal, sinus and respiratory function. Namaste.

Floatation Therapy Open in Jersey City! (And other local spa favorites)

If you don’t follow the Hoboken Girl Blog, you’re missing out because I am a regular contributor for all things vegan, health and wellness in Jersey City! Om.life wellness spa just opened in Jersey City and I couldn’t be more excited to share the benefits of floating. Nourishing to the mind, body and spirit, floating in a tank concentrated with more salt than the Dead Sea is the most rejuvenating experience. I’ve already floated at Om.life in Paulus Hook (Jersey City) twice and cannot wait to return, especially because the 90 minute float has majorly loosened up my neck. Read all about it here. 

I also wrote a Jersey City massage round-up of the best masseuses in town. I’ve only personally visited Knead, FreedOm Therapeutics (right here in the Brunswick Center, the Doody Free Girl HQ), and my favorite chiropractor, but everyone else on the list has a cult following and comes highly recommended, so check it out and get rubbed.

I am also proud to say that my review of Sojo Spa in Edgewater, NJ was the second most visited post on the Hoboken Girl blog in 2017! And there’s good reason for that – this five floor spa is simply one-of-a-kind. I definitely recommend visiting this place on a weekday in the morning /mid-day if possible because it turns into a fucking zoo on the weekends and in the evenings (open til midnight). Sojo Spa has five different infrared saunas, halotherapy, outdoor hot tubs open year round, a Shiatsu room (full-body Shiatsu and reflexology massage are my fave) and other spa services.

Lastly, the Hoboken Girl herself, Jennifer Tripucka, wrote a non-sponsored review of my “spa” services back in 2016. You can read all about her ass cleaning here. She obviously has good taste and has feelers on everything happening in this town, so keep up!

 

And book your colonic here. I’ll be open all day tomorrow for MLK Day, so email me for appointments jen@doodyfreegirl.com 🙂

floatation therapy, cryotherapy and infrared sauna at om.life in jersey city
Post-float journaling at Om.life

 

 

Memorial Day Weekend Forecast: Shit

This weekend is looking like rain with a chance of shit balls. So take advantage of this last opportunity to get your beach belly ready for the big reveal! I’m around all weekend, folks. Make your gravity colonic appointment for Saturday or Sunday 🙂

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Happy MLK Day 2017!!!

Happy Martin Luther King Jr. Day! Martin Luther King Jr. embodied the true spirit God intended here on Earth. A peaceful protester with a humble righteousness that is not only admirable, but penetrable even 50 years after his passing.

I’ve done a shit job of making and keeping a New Years Resolution this year, but every time I read this MLK quote, I instantly feel like an inferior human being and then resolve to make his words my daily resolution. For anyone who can relate, I’ll be open all day on Monday to purge you of your old ways.

God Bless!

Happy Holidays!!!

Hanukkah and Christmas fall on the same day/week this year. I will be offering Confession and Mikveh to anyone interested. Book your colonic appointments today!

 

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Crap, I Forgot My Probiotics!!

I knew I was going to forget my probiotics the second I started packing. I’m going on a cruise today for my cousin’s wedding and I just hope the boat does not come down with a case of dysentery.Taking probiotics while traveling is critical in combatting all of the new bugs you’ll encounter, so wish me luck!

Please note that I will be away through Monday, December 12th, so I won’t have access to the Interwebs. If you need to schedule an appointment, please make book online and I will answer any questions when I return! And don’t forget your probiotics when you travel. Purchase Metagenics probiotics here.

Come Celebrate Brown Friday!

This Friday is the Second Annual Brown Friday Celebration. In honor of my clients, I suppress the urge to indulge in retail therapy in order to offer a post-Thanksgiving cathartic experience to all. I’m not promoting binging and purging, but Thanksgiving is filled with lots of love and in many families, love is also known as force-feeding. So there’s no need to blame your family for feeling like shit the next day, just get it out with a good ‘ol anal cleansing. Book your colonic appointment, yo!

 

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