Butt Implants

The colon is responsible for absorbing liquid from the waste it is processing, essentially baking your shit into a solid Yule log. So by that very same token, your colon readily absorbs some of the water that is used to flush the colon during a colonic. And using that logic, I’ve decided to start administering wheatgrass, chlorophyll, probiotic and aloe implants to nourish your ass during treatment.

Since the colon is relatively alkaline especially when compared to the acidity of the stomach, it can potentially absorb nutrients more readily. This is why the famous Hippocrates Center in Florida touts the benefits of wheatgrass implants for the instant replenishment of electrolytes, minerals, amino acids and chlorophyll when working with chronically ill patients. I like to add extra chlorophyll to the implants because chlorophyll is known to heal the gut, detoxify the body of residual medication, deodorize the body from the inside out, oxygenate and build blood. It also helps “arrest the growth and development of unfriendly bacteria,” which contributes to the maintenance of a more desirable gut environment that colonics help achieve. So at the end of the colonic, it makes perfect sense to strengthen the gut environment with an injection of Metagenics Ultraflora Balance probiotics. Lastly, I implant a little bit of aloe, which is proven to heal the gut lining and lubricate/calm the bowels.

Aside from immediate absorption, an added bonus of the implants is that you don’t have to taste anything that goes up your ass! We all know wheatgrass, chlorophyll and aloe taste like shit, so best to just stick them right up the shitter! However, a common implant that I believe is best consumed orally is coffee. I get calls all the time asking if I employ coffee enemas and the answer is no because I find them to be too acidic and stimulating from the instant absorption of caffeine. This is why “butt chugging” alcohol was such a trend in colleges just a few years ago. While I believe coffee enemas have their place in rehab centers and holistic cancer therapies due to their liver detoxing abilities, I believe they are little aggressive for regular use.

coffee enema implants
Categories: Colonics, Smells