Stranger Than Colonics

I’ve been singing Joanne Baldwin’s praises to just about anyone who will listen because I personally feel a responsibility to anyone who could benefit from her work, no matter how much crazier it makes me seem. Joanne has been a client of mine for years since I worked full time in NYC. I’ve seen her through her journey of mastering Biomagnetism over the years as she’s traveled both near and far to apprentice under the masters. I’ve always appreciated her insatiable appetite for alternative knowledge and her impressive dedication to understanding the human body as we don’t know it because…well, I like weird shit.

When I first met Joanne, however, she was always talking about babies and kids, which is not my favorite subject unless we are talking about pregnancy, labor and other reasons I shouldn’t have any. But for some reason, I love talking about kids with Joanne. She is a trained Doula and had specialized in Optimal Fertility and Preconception Detoxification, so naturally, I had a million questions for this bitch during her colonics.Biomagnetism biomagnetic master

The more I’ve gotten to know Joanne, the more I’ve gotten to love and trust this saint. Not only do she and her mother volunteer every single year at an orphanage in India and again in the States to follow up with those who’ve been adopted, but when I first met Joanne, she was a full-time nanny to an autistic child who she sincerely adored. She was on a mission to learn the causes of his condition and how life can improve for this young boy. Her love for this child seemed to drive her passion for detox as his parents exposed her to some of the top alternative doctors in NYC who centered their practices on detoxification and herbal tinctures.

One of said doctors introduced Joanne to Biomagnetism and unbeknownst to all, Joanne’s purpose in life. I’m not the best at articulating what exactly Biomagnetism is, so here is what Joanne’s website says verbatim:

 

Biomagnetism is a revolutionary, scientific and therapeutic approach which helps to facilitate the detoxification and elimination of pathogens, toxins and stress in the body. 

The life you are living has been shaped not only by your personal circumstances and experiences but also your ancestry and DNA. They all contribute to the building blocks of your internal programming and create your belief system. 

This belief system is structuring and running your life. Everything you are experiencing right now; the good, the bad, the things you do and react to, will all be rooted in, and therefore projected from the programming. This determines the health, wealth and success that you experience. 

Your internal programming defines and determines many areas of your life including: health – physical & mental, love life, career, relationships, enjoyment, addictions and potential.

In order to thrive, your life needs to be in balance and that is where Joanne and her magnets come in. You can eat all the right foods and exercise daily but if there are underlying conflicts in your body then overall wellbeing won’t be achieved. 

So basically, you can potentially blame your lineage for symptoms such as feelings of inadequacy or even chronic lower back pain. The Atlantic wrote an interesting piece diving deeper into the symptoms experienced by younger generations that potentially result from famine or war experienced by generations past. This exciting new field presents a completely different way to look at our bodies..and perhaps, our suffering. This all sounds like some past life regression bullshit that I generally avoid, and I guess in a way it is…minus the bullshit.

While Joanne feels that one Biomagnetism session is adequate for clients to receive benefit, I had to have a second session because I could not believe what happened after our first session. My lower back fatigue that I’ve experienced from a young age completely disappeared. I cannot remember a day where my lower back didn’t feel strained from being on my feet all day. It was never back pain, just a pain in the ass. In fact, I never even thought it was an issue! Up until a few months ago, I couldn’t remember going to a concert without having to lean on something to stretch my lower back a bit or straight up hoping the show was over sooner than later so I could go home and lay down.

During my Biomagnetism session, my body guided Joanne to my kidney (she literally talks to your feet!). She says kidney issues are commonly confused for back issues. Bloating/swelling and lower back pain can be an indication that your kidneys are not functioning optimally. I generally felt swelling in my legs, which was an issue I told her about. After my treatment, I peed like a racehorse and my lower back fatigue immediately dissolved. I also experience much less swelling in my legs. According to my “reading,” I can blame an incident that happened to my grandmother on my father’s side when she was 29 years old that subconsciously created a specific coding in her body (and consequently, our lineage) to deal with the emotions she experienced from her situation. Ironically, one of the emotions I released is “someone is to blame,” along with “victim,” “feeling misunderstood,” “my identity is fragile and uncertain” and “feeling like an outsider.” Sensations that I released are “lack,” “unhappiness,” “betrayal” and “humiliation.” I haven’t had much time to really sit with any of this, but I can tell you my back is feeling brand spanking new, which is an apparent manifestation of these emotions.

It gets even weirder because Joanne lives in London. She does this work remotely. I cannot recommend this magician enough. Email her at joanne@fortheloveofbalance.co.uk. Sessions cost $240. Prepare to detox your ass of the past.