Jersey CitiKitty

For those following Micro’s potty training journey, I owe you a CitiKitty update. It’s taken about a year to train her because I had to start from scratch after she was “fixed” this past spring. After surgery, she had to wear the cone of shame, which made jumping up onto the toilet next to impossible. So I temporarily reintroduced the litter box so she would stop pissing everywhere. In case you were unaware, cat pee smells worse than ordinary pee, but it’s nothing a lot of distilled white vinegar can’t take care of.

Since the cone was sheer torture for myself and little Micro, I purchased a suitical recovery suit (picture below). Suiticals are just as effective as the cone in preventing your beast from removing its stitches, but it allows for a lot more mobility, not to mention peripheral vision. I figured this would allow her to get up on the toilet, but I was wrong. She would pee in the litter most times, but I would still find pee in unsuspecting areas.

cat wearing suitical (instead of cat cone) during CitiKitty potty training
Litter and toys and shit everywhere…

 

However, there was the added bonus of the suitical acting as a thunder jacket as well. Normally spunky with intimacy issues, Micro was the most cuddly kitty ever when she had her suitical on. I mistakenly attributed this to her having her libido ripped out, but once the suitical came off, she was back to her old ways (except for the potty trained part). She was still fucking peeing everywhere.

So I had to purchase another CitiKitty and start from scratch in May. So one year and two CitiKittys later, I finally removed the CitiKitty from the toilet yesterday and she successfully peed in the toilet. Since she is a small cat, I did change the toilet seat out for a magnetic potty training seat, which you can find at Home Depot. It’s the shit. I just lift up the potty training seat when I have to pee the same way dudes lift up the regular seat. And the same way a gentleman puts the seat down, I make sure to put the potty training seat down so the munchkin doesn’t fall in while she’s peeing. I must admit that she still poops on the floor right next to the toilet about 60% of the time and frankly, I’m cool with that. 

 

 

 

Put Your Best Shit Forward

I have a confession: I’m a hypocrite. One of my pet peeves is everyone’s portrayal of perfection on social media, yet I only put my best shit forward as well. You’ve seen my cat, Micro, peeing and pooping like a champ day in and day out on my Instagram Story. She effortlessly hops up on my squatty potty and circles the rim of the toilet seat until she finds a comfortable seat on the edge to squat down and handle her business.

Here’s the shit you don’t see…

social media bloopers

 

Micro was actually consistently going to the toilet until she was spayed just a few weeks ago. Forced to wear the “Cone of Shame,” she had no peripheral vision, so the toilet was out of the question. For the week, I returned the litter box, which confused her a bit. She would pee and poo in it most of the time. That week was actually the first time I ever worried about her peeing everywhere: she tagged her scratchpads, bed, toy and the floor. Now I can recognize the smell of cat pee – it’s fucking disgusting. But guess what gets rid of it? You guessed it…distilled white vinegar.

So we’re back to square one. I opened up a brand new CitiKitty and filled it up with litter for Potty Training 101. Micro is back to peeing and pooping on the toilet, with just a few shit streaks here and there. I’m cool with that…cat pee not so much.

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I felt obligated to write this post for obvious reasons and because I don’t want anyone trying to train their kitty to use the toilet to get discouraged. Think about all the resources (money, GMO corn, bentonite clay, trees) you’ll be saving and above all, litter contains known carcinogens and for the most part is non-biodegradable! Micro didn’t learn to mostly pee and poo in the toilet overnight. It takes a lot of patience, encouragement, and reinforcement with treats, but no more time than it would take to scoop shit out of the litter everyday and then sweep up litter dust from your floors everyday (fuck that).

On a more serious note, I recently listened to Simon Sinek’s enlightening talk about Millennials in the Workplace and how they are a remarkably depressed and insecure generation, which can be directly blamed on social media. I’m forever thankful to only have been exposed to AIM (AOL instant messenger) in college for which to stalk crushes and girls who were cramping my style. I remember only having a literal Facebook and an Internet search engine (googling wasn’t a verb then) to investigate strangers. There were hardly any visuals, but thanks be to Peoplefinder.com, I was able to figure out astrological compatibility!! I resisted Friendster, which was only to be replaced by Facebook towards the end of my senior year of college in 2004. I didn’t quite grasp its relevance nor would I have never predicted the scope in which its broadened communication, encouraged new social networks like Instagram, or revolutionized targeted marketing. Not only are Millennials subject to the perfection pressure from peers, but they are subject to false advertising by asshole corporations.

So what I’m trying to say is, I apologize if my social media makes my bathroom life look perfect. It is anything butt…

 

Litter Boxes Are For Losers.

I now consider my new little kitten a part of the family. I wouldn’t make my family shit in a box, so I don’t expect Micro to live like an animal anymore. She will shit in the toilet like every other civilized family member.

Yesterday was Day 1 of Micro’s CitiKitty training. When I first purchased these toilet training kits for the Doody Free shop, I had no intention of ever actually ever testing them because I never wanted a cat. So I never knew if this shit actually worked, I just thought it was fucking hilarious. I mean look at the picture on the box!

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I’m excited to report that after an entire day of avoiding the CitiKitty and pooping/peeing all together until I put it on the ground, Micro finally climbed up on the toilet today to pee in the CitiKitty litter! So things are looking up and I’m a very proud mama 🙂

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Stay tuned…