New Year, New Moon, New Plan.

I’m no economist, but my gut tells me that January is generally a profitable month for all things self-care: gym memberships, psychotherapy (after surviving holidays with the family and attempting to survive seasonal affective disorder), diet books/meal plan delivery like The Whole 30 (not sure how this is unique to Paleo, but many of my clients embark on this diet specifically in January), travel/ travel planning, etcetera etcetera. By the same logic, I would imagine the alcohol industry takes a severe hit this month due to the mass subscription to Dry January. Despite the weather, I love the productive nesting energy January guarantees. A global month of reflection and awakening, January (even if just for the month) generates less thirst for bullshit and an insatiable hunger for healthier shit as everyone (whether a “resolution person” or not) works on releasing the toxic baggage of yesteryear.

If you’re new here, it’s pretty obvious I love me a clean colon and a clean liver. If you’ve been following me for some time whether it be via my blog or when I first opened my doors in 2015, you know that I am a big fan of the late Andreas Moritz, an intuitive who wrote The Amazing Liver and Gallbladder Flush. This liver cleanse (which I have covered extensively in ancient blog posts) is recommended on or around the New Moon, a constructive time to detox because the body is breaking down tissue and removing accumulated fluid. The New Moon also reigns supreme as a time for manifestation of desires, a fresh start, transformation and growth. So while I used to encourage clients undergo Moritz’s cleanse, it proved to be too involved (the entire process is about a week with the last 18ish hours requiring strongly suggested alone time along with two required colonics within the 10 days). So I shifted to offering coffee implants, which effectively cleanse the liver in just one sitting. This has proven to be much more manageable and therefore popular amongst my clients. So whether you’re a monthly client or an annual client, I suggest incorporating some form of liver cleansing around the New Moons of 2024.

full moon cycle necklace delphine leymarie
Delphine Leymarie Moon Phase Necklace

The Full Moon, according to Moritz is a time for tissue building and fluid accumulation. Moritz states that the head holds more fluid on a Full Moon and the pressure can influence some aggressive (albeit “looney”) behavior. On that same note, I think some of the insanity can be contributed to increased parasite activity. Studies have proven that parasites are more active during the full moon. Our melotonin levels drop during the Full Moon, lowering our immunity, while our serotonin levels spike increasing parasitic activity due to their serotonin receptors. The CellCore Full Moon parasite cleanse is my chosen exterminator. Scientifically designed to target and eliminate parasites dancing in the moonlight, the Cellcore Para Kit is a 3-7 day cleanse with beginner/intermediate/advanced challenge options depending on your sensitivity. I personally like to regularly incorporate the Beginner Challenge five day cleanse centered around the full moon at least every few months. The difference between the different levels is basically the number of pills you consume and I personally cannot comfortably stomach the number of pills beyond the Beginner Challenge. So find what’s right for you, but make sure you are not just killing the parasites, but removing them by taking CellCore Bowel Mover and increasing Lymphatic Drainage with CellCore LymphActiv during the cleanse and the few days leading up to the cleanse as well as following the cleanse. And of course, a follow-up colonic is always ideal. Kits are available at the shop, email/text to order.

Additionally, the Prolon fast is my chosen reset to incorporate at least a few times a year. Prolon has been scientifically proven to promote autophagy (cellular renewal) and increase your metabolism while decreasing your biological age. My last blog post shares my detailed experience with Prolon. Use code DOODYFREEGIRL for discount on Prolonlife.com. Cheers!

Categories: Uncategorized

How I Feel About Fasting…

I was in my 20s when I picked up the book, The Raw Food Detox Diet by Natalia Rose, which introduced me to colonics and a host of other health-related hacks I became obsessed with including juice fasting, food combining, infrared saunas, dry brushing, trampolines and unadulterated sunshine. At the time, I was struggling with a quarter life crisis wondering if desk work was my life sentence. I was also extremely anxious about the consequential desk bod that could quickly result from sitting on my ass all day under fluorescent lights, breathing in recycled air, eating all the snacks and birthday cake (it’s always someone’s g**damn birthday!) and holding in my pee, shit, laughter and conversation for fear of appearing unproductive or God forbid….social. Everything about office life felt counter-human and ironically counter-productive for the evolution of the human species. So while obsession with desk detox landed me in my profession, which I am FOREVER grateful for because I really had no idea where life was taking me (I was just hoping it was far fucking away from a desk), my obsession over the years has transitioned into a deep appreciation for all things natural, holistic, balanced and self-empowering.

This is the only desk I ever loved.

When I began my detox journey, I was obsessed with getting it all out: the years of greasy Cuban food and soda I was raised on, the excessive alcohol and late night loaded nachos I consumed throughout college, four years of birth control, the occasional antibiotic or OTC medication and the overall stagnation every cell of my being was experiencing. I couldn’t have been more motivated to refrain from compounding the toxic load on my body before it started seeping into my bloodstream only to become some sort of rare cancer or far worse…premature aging or irreversible weight gain. My first fast was the Master Cleanse, which consisted of 10 days of consuming nothing but lemon water sweetened with maple syrup and spiced with cayenne pepper. This was delicious for the first few days, but my delight quickly turned to revulsion: a pattern I became all too familiar with on my quest to find the perfect detox. My next obsession became juice fasting after learning that not only will you feel light and skinny during and especially after the fast, but the enzymes and the nutrients in the juices are actually breaking down the old matter that is clogging your system while hydrating the body with some serious nourishment that will have you glowing from the inside out!

That said, juice fasting fucking sucks. I fucking hate it. I do believe in the merits of food combining regarding fresh vegetable and fruit juice in that juice should only be consumed alone and on an empty stomach (otherwise, you may experience some intense bloating coupled with putrid-smelling farts). The only time I like to recommend a juice fast is 1) post-colonic, a good time to let your digestive tract rest for the rest of the day and 2) when you truly feel like it and do not feel like you are forcing starvation upon yourself.

I also believe in the merits of intermittent fasting in the sense that we don’t need to be eating all the live long day if we don’t feel like it. In fact, I believe eating on a contrived work schedule is contributing to the detriment of our health. As mammals, we are designed to eat and in a position to receive nutrients when we are relaxed and have calming hormones coursing through our system (dopamine, serotonin, endorphins, oxytocin). We are not designed to be eating when we have stress hormones (adrenaline, cortisol) coursing through our body. Have you seen a wild animal hunting and snacking at the same time? Probably not. Have you ever seen an obese wild animal? Me neither. So I always suggest that clients fast when stuck at the computer (unless they’re planning their next vacation, which is what I always seemed to be doing at my desk job) and eat when they can remove themselves from work mode for ten minutes to truly enjoy their food, a practice now called mindful eating. I am a super slow eater and I know I can eat a meal comfortably in ten minutes unless I’m in good company (then that might turn into three hours).

One thing I have never tried is water fasting, where you can only consume water for a period of days. Water fasting has been proven to stimulate autophagy (cellular rejuvenation) and lower risk of chronic disease. A surgeon client of mine has seen water fasting reverse diabetes! I still have no interest in consuming nothing but water all day long, but I did finally find a fast proven to promote autophagy, healthier looking skin, weight loss and a changed relationship with food.

Backed by 20 years of science and more importantly, Gwyneth Paltrow, Prolon is a 5 day “fasting mimicking diet” that will allow you to reap all the benefits of an intense water cleanse while actually eating food. I have already done the Prolon fast twice and I felt immediately like myself again after the very first time. I recommend planning the fast around a busy week where you don’t really have much time to sit down and eat throughout the day. I tend to eat heavier in the evening, so I would plan it around my busier work days and save all of the soups for evening time. You can spread the food (which consists of soups, nut bar, olives, crackers) throughout the day however you like. They provide a suggested schedule, but I found that following the schedule (which I did the second time) made me feel hungrier rather than eating how I normally eat (heavier in the evening). I find this gentle, yet effective fast really helped me quickly feel like myself again after this long ass winter / fake spring. I will be starting another fast this Sunday and would love for you to join! Click here to purchase.

The Coffee Enema

I realize I have taken a serious break from writing, but I literally don’t have time to wipe my own ass these days (thank God for my ass-blasting handheld bidet) with a 15 month old attached to my tits. Butt…I took the day off from motherhood today for this shit, so read up!

Gerson green enema coffee Cafe Mam
Cafe Mam is the Gerson-recommended green coffee
“therapy roast”

I’ve expressed my doubts on the benefits of coffee enemas in the past, but hey…I’ve also expressed my doubts on having children and now I think it’s the most incredible gift I have ever received. So I’m not afraid to change my mind and I am now acknowledging the merits of coffee enemas by recently adding coffee implants (ie Liver Detox) to the menu here at Doody Free Girl. Clients have been asking for coffee up their asses for years, but it was always a little too reminiscent of “My Strange Addiction” for me. (I’ve surprisingly never seen the show, but have heard enough to turn me off to coffee enemas.)

The more I started hearing about coffee enemas in a transformative light, the more curious and the more enthused I became about this potentially life-saving tool. While some people may not be deemed suitable for the treatment (those with high blood pressure, pregnant, have ulcerative colitis, etc), it is widely used in Gerson Therapy (a holistic cancer and chronic disease treatment) and in holistic rehab centers. In fact, one of my clients who is partnered in a holistic rehab center in Tijuana explained that daily coffee enemas are a requirement at the center in order to effectively detox the liver.

According to the Gerson Therapy, the caffeine in the coffee is delivered immediately to the liver via the hemorrhoidal and mesenteric veins in the lower descending colon and rectum. The caffeine and other compounds in the coffee dilate the blood vessels, relaxing the bile ducts and smooth muscle, increasing the flow of bile and the toxins it carries.

Quinton marine plasma coffee enema
Quinton can be consumed orally or anally!

During the coffee implant, I also add Quinton (bioavailable seawater electrolytes) in order to maintain electrolyte balance. Additionally, I add a few drops of tangerine essential oil to promote both lymphatic drainage and glutathione production. Glutathione is our most powerful antioxidant (think anti-aging, anti-cancer, etc). Clients have not only felt super energized after the coffee implant, but boast glowing skin!

Young Living tangerine oil coffee enema
Young Living tangerine oil

Please always keep in mind I am no doctor, so don’t try this shit at home or at Doody Free Girl until you’ve extensively researched this on your own and come to your own conclusion/decision that this is right for your body. And always always always trust your gut!

Fertility and Shit…

As with any weight loss journey, I believe the first step in one’s fertility journey should be cleaning out your system. A deep clean speeds everything up (ie metabolism, conception) because it removes the heavy burden of digesting old ass shit, freeing your body to receive nutrients, burn off excess and ultimately produce results. While few clients lose actual weight after a colonic, most clients feel a noticeable difference in how their clothes fit, while the physical reset and energetic high encourages proactive measures to create and sustain transformational lifestyle goals. By the same token, many clients are referred to me by their nutritionists as a means to reset/balance their hormones in order to conceive since society as a whole is struggling with estrogen dominance thanks to our overuse of plastic and constant exposure to environmental toxins.

That said, I want to share some tips and thoughts on how to prime your body for baby-making as well as delivery. Eating as much plant-based whole food as you’re willing and able to is optimal for clearing out the gunk in your trunk. This means recognizable food from the Earth: greens, veggies (this includes legumes), fruits, and whole grains (rice, quinoa, spelt, etc). Getting colonics regularly is always a good idea whether that is annually or monthly (it’s a personal preference, some people like to ramp up the frequency when trying to conceive). Getting colonics while pregnant is only advised after first trimester if you’d been getting them regularly beforehand. Many people opt for enemas instead. I personally couldn’t wait to get my monthly colonics second trimester to alleviate some of the pressure on my vag and create a little more room for my Buddha baby! And speaking of more room, I’m a firm believer in the right chiropractic adjustment during pregnancy. I started going back to my chiropractor at least twice a month once I hit second trimester to help open my hips. For even deeper hip opening, I continued practicing yoga regularly. Yoga not only helped keep me limber for as long as possible (a daily practice at first slowly became a weekly practice during third trimester), it eased my nausea during first trimester.

Stress is obviously a factor when it comes to preconception. Women are waiting later and later to have kids (myself included). I was always on the fence about having children. In fact, it was a hard NO for me up until last year (only kidding, more like two years ago). My college essay was actually titled “I Am Never Having Children” and I credit that essay for granting me admission to schools I had no business applying to. When I met my partner a few years ago, I knew I wanted to have his baby and so I did. We weren’t actively trying, but we also weren’t actively being careful. And while a laissez faire attitude is definitely helpful, it’s probably not a reality for many women pushing 40 (I had my daughter right before I turned 39 last year). For that reason, I believe massage, acupuncture, bioenergy work and long walks are not only critical for an enjoyable pregnancy, but for stress management preconception. Once pregnant, I got prenatal massages weekly and prenatal acupuncture on a monthly basis to ease all of the bodily stress from the crazy changes happening internally. I received bioenergy work each trimester with Joanne, who I wrote about in an earlier blog post. Bioenergy and biomagnetism is an extraordinary practice that can clear both you and your baby of some deep inner baggage. Although I could hardly walk by the middle of third trimester, I recommend pushing yourself to go on long walks in nature as often as possible. This kept me fit for labor while introducing my system and my baby to diverse bacteria, which boosts immunity. If I do this all over again, I would see my pelvic floor specialist as soon as walking becomes difficult (I didn’t go until six weeks postpartum and it was a game-changer even then!).

As far as supplements, most supplements are not recommended during pregnancy and breastfeeding. Find yourself a good prenatal vitamin you trust for the second you think about conceiving as well as throughout pregnancy. I took Ritual’s vegan prenatal and am currently taking their postnatal vitamin. I also take both Metagenics Ultraflora Immune Booster (targeting respiratory health, which is critical during allergy season in a Coronavirus pandemic) and Ultraflora Womens probiotics to ensure optimal vaginal health (remember baby’s immune system starts with your vaginal flora).

Last, but certainly not least…whether you are gunning for a hippie home birth or a natural birth in a hospital with or without epidural/induction, find your ass a doula. I share my entire labor story in a prior post featuring the role of my doula (I had no idea what a doula was before). And do your back and shoulders a favor by getting this Adjustable Nursing Pillow by my favorite postpartum brand, Frida Mom.

Categories: Colonics, Pregnancy Poo

It’s Time For Some New Shit…

I am excited to announce that Elayne (not pronounced “Elaine,” but “eh-line-ay”), is joining the Doody Free Girl team! For six years, I never even entertained the idea of hiring anyone until my colleague Vania Bencosme (who I adore and is an amazing colon therapist in NYC) recommended her good friend and mentee, Elayne. Elayne’s magic hands are now officially on the schedule Thursday thru Saturday, while I am in Monday thru Wednesday. Text or email to book your next colonic appointment.

nj colonic
Categories: Colonics

A Labor Pain in My Ass

My gut had been telling me my daughter would arrive earlier than her due date and per usual, it turned out to be correct. Baby Sofia arrived almost a week early on the morning of 11/23 when I had originally planned on taking maternity leave. My water broke at 440am at which time I texted my doula, Trang Onderdonk, immediately to see if she thought I should go to the hospital already because our plan was to labor at home as much as possible and then just swing by the hospital to pop the baby out. Since I wasn’t feeling any major contractions yet (just very mild cramping) and the fluid leaking out of me was clear (versus brown, which would be indicative of toxic baby poop), she advised me to notify my doctor, take a shower and eat something in preparation for a marathon before heading to the hospital.

My partner and I arrived at Jersey City Medical Center by 630am. As I waited for the intake person to process my information, I kept an eye on the clock and noticed my mild contractions were a few minutes apart lasting about 15 seconds. I remember Trang telling me during our meetings that I wasn’t in active labor until contractions were four minutes apart lasting one whole minute and I could hardly speak, so I knew I had some time to kill. From what I’ve read and heard, we can expect to have similar labor stories to our mothers, which is what I was striving for. Both of my mother’s deliveries of my brother and myself were similar: she popped each of us out in just a few hours vaginally and unmedicated. She always told me the contractions felt like really bad period cramps and the pushing felt like relief followed by sweet euphoria. However, given that I struggled with debilitating period cramps throughout my adolescence so severe I would regularly pass out, whereas my mother never experienced menstrual pain, I was unsure of how comparable our pain threshold was.

Luckily, my labor seemed to mirror my mothers. My contractions continued to slowly get stronger and once Trang arrived at the hospital, she encouraged me to get out of the hospital bed and labor while walking around, doing squats and swaying with my partner, which felt much more tolerable and much more natural than laying on my back. Once we were moved to the delivery room, contractions gradually got so bad I wanted to vomit and shit all at once, but at least I didn’t feel like passing out! And although I was on my knees bent over the bed crushing my baby daddy’s hands, Trang encouraged me to push through the contractions as if I were taking a shit. She said if I still felt like taking a shit once the contraction passed, it was time to call Dr. Muhammad in to begin pushing the baby out.

After almost shitting my disposable hospital underwear a few times, it was time to call the doctor once I felt both the continual urge to take a dump coupled with a fire crotch sensation, which meant the baby was descending. The thought of turning over onto my back was unbearable, but my mother was right about the pushing phase. As each contraction started coming on, Dr. Muhammad coached me to push as hard as I could while holding my breath for ten seconds and then quickly take a deep breath before going into the next push. The contractions seemed to dissipate as quickly as they came and my energy concentrated on funneling the baby out. After fifteen minutes of pushing out everything I had (hemorrhoids, amniotic fluid, blood, piss, and shit), I could feel Dr. Muhammad finally reach in and pull the baby out at 1057am!

postpartum hemorrhoid disposable underwear

No one really prepared me for how long it would take my ass to heal after delivering a baby. I’m two weeks postpartum and everything is only starting to feel somewhat okay downstairs. I suffered a first degree tear, so I received a few stitches. I have not taken a mirror to the area, but I can tell there’s still a little extra swelling around my anus that may be from the stitches, but I’m pretty sure it’s a voluptuous hemorrhoid. Hemorrhoids are very common and I always tell clients that they are only inflamed varicose veins that have the capacity to shrink as fast as they swell. Little did I know that postpartum care includes the best hemorrhoid care!

Apparently, the perineum care market is missing out on a entire target demographic of hemorrhoid sufferers. One of my clients recommended I put the Frida Mom Labor + Delivery Postpartum Recovery Kit on my registry and I am so glad I did. Although the hospital provided me with all of the postpartum essentials and then some (squirt bottle to cleanse the perineum, unlimited disposable underwear, maxi pads, Tucks witch hazel hemorrhoid pads and instant cold packs for my crotch), the Frida Mom kit takes hemorrhoid care to the next level with an upside down peri bottle (doubles as a portable bidet!), instant ice maxi pads, witch hazel perineal cooling pad liners, and witch hazel perineal healing foam. I can’t recommend this kit enough for general hemorrhoid care. In fact, I’m so obsessed with the Frida brand that I also purchased their Perineal Comfort Cushion (aka a hemorrhoid pillow). Additionally, I purchased a Sitz bath and Sitz soak, which I also highly recommend to quickly shrink those hemorrhoids! For extra TLC, keep the upside down peri bottle filled halfway with the Sitz soak (follow directions on the container) and fill the rest with warm water each time you use the bathroom.

I hope my birthing story has shed some light on top notch maternity and postpartum hemorrhoid care. I cannot stop singing the praises of my birthing team and how well they’ve literally taken care of my ass: Trang Onderdonk (doula), Dr. Muhammad and Dr. Yousry and the labor and delivery nurses at Jersey City Medical Center.

The Braxton Shits

With my 11/29 due date approaching, I was convinced that I was in labor Saturday morning. I woke up around 4am with fleeting abdominal cramps, so I started timing my contractions, which were about 30 minutes apart. From all of my research and confirmation from my doula, I understand that there’s no need to rush to the hospital until it becomes difficult to hold a conversation. I was still able to complain very vocally to my partner until the break of dawn, so the only place I kept rushing to was the toilet.

Although my doula told me diarrhea leading up to labor is the body’s mechanism for clearing the body for delivery, I’m pretty sure my regular bouts of diarrhea Saturday morning were more due to my Friday discovery and consumption of frozen Dark Chocolate Peanut Butter Kind bars from BJs Wholesale. These delicious 180 calorie bars probably net 20 calories by the time all of the chicory root fiber, tapioca syrup, peanuts, and almond milk goodness coursed through my cramped digestive tract at record speed. So if you’re going to eat crap, at least eat the kind that craps out quickly, right?!

maternity leave / pregnancy

Thanks to these Kind colonic bars, I am now officially scared shitless for what will transpire in the next week or two. I’ve read and been told (by an optimistic few) that labor feels like taking a huge shit, so it can’t be that bad, right? In any case, I’m still pregnant for those wondering and although maternity leave officially started last week, I am always available to answer all of your shitty questions. Feel free to text or email me over the next few weeks/months and I will respond as soon as possible. And in the meantime, remember to stock up on toilet paper (BJs Wholesale is already limiting TP sales!) and keep taking your Metagenics Immune Booster probiotics, which promote nasal, sinus and respiratory function. Namaste.

Butt Implants

The colon is responsible for absorbing liquid from the waste it is processing, essentially baking your shit into a solid Yule log. So by that very same token, your colon readily absorbs some of the water that is used to flush the colon during a colonic. And using that logic, I’ve decided to start administering wheatgrass, chlorophyll, probiotic and aloe implants to nourish your ass during treatment.

Since the colon is relatively alkaline especially when compared to the acidity of the stomach, it can potentially absorb nutrients more readily. This is why the famous Hippocrates Center in Florida touts the benefits of wheatgrass implants for the instant replenishment of electrolytes, minerals, amino acids and chlorophyll when working with chronically ill patients. I like to add extra chlorophyll to the implants because chlorophyll is known to heal the gut, detoxify the body of residual medication, deodorize the body from the inside out, oxygenate and build blood. It also helps “arrest the growth and development of unfriendly bacteria,” which contributes to the maintenance of a more desirable gut environment that colonics help achieve. So at the end of the colonic, it makes perfect sense to strengthen the gut environment with an injection of Metagenics Ultraflora Balance probiotics. Lastly, I implant a little bit of aloe, which is proven to heal the gut lining and lubricate/calm the bowels.

Aside from immediate absorption, an added bonus of the implants is that you don’t have to taste anything that goes up your ass! We all know wheatgrass, chlorophyll and aloe taste like shit, so best to just stick them right up the shitter! However, a common implant that I believe is best consumed orally is coffee. I get calls all the time asking if I employ coffee enemas and the answer is no because I find them to be too acidic and stimulating from the instant absorption of caffeine. This is why “butt chugging” alcohol was such a trend in colleges just a few years ago. While I believe coffee enemas have their place in rehab centers and holistic cancer therapies due to their liver detoxing abilities, I believe they are little aggressive for regular use.

coffee enema implants
Categories: Colonics, Smells

Vitamin See

About eight years ago, one of my most thoughtful clients gave me a book called The Program for Better Vision, How to See Better in Minutes a Day without Glasses or Contacts! by Martin Sussman. At the time, I was about 30 years old, which made it the most appropriate gift since she had corrected her vision using this very book when she was around thirty. It did take her a year and a half (not the eight weeks mentioned in the book), but a year and a half of doing a few eye exercises each day seemed like a small sacrifice for perfect vision (I was a habitual contact lens wearer). That was until the book strongly suggested not wearing contacts or even eyeglasses for much of the day! My client warned me that she felt threatened initially, afraid she would get mugged while commuting everyday through NYC. The forewarning did not help my cause. I hardly gave the book a chance after my first evening walking down Fifth Ave after work (I worked in NYC at the time) when all of the dizzying Christmas lights in the trees started blurring together. It felt like I was drunk and I could not imagine a year and a half of this! My will failed me, but above all, I failed to appreciate the importance of the nonphysical exercises in the book: affirmations, visualizations, staying present and less daydreaming.

What we choose to believe about our bodies ability (or inability) is so powerful that most clinical trials use a placebo (sugar pill) to test the efficacy of different medical therapies because many times, medications only work because the patient believed it would! So by the same token, our inner dialogue has the power to affect all areas of our health and well being. If you think your’e going to get the Corona Virus….guess what? Just kidding.

But seriously, I’ve been using this quarantine to pick back up on my eye exercises that I had actually resolved to start again last spring. I had already committed to not wearing my contact lens because the book stresses the importance of getting at least 30 minutes of natural sunlight directly on your eyeballs everyday and I also received an under-corrected prescription from a behavioral optometrist last year so that I can wear my eyeglasses when needed (mostly in the evening) while I improved my vision through these exercises. However, my eye exercise routine fell off pretty quickly last summer, which suddenly turned into fall/winter and here we are a year later. But I still made progress this past year acclimating to life legally blind without worry (about getting lost, not recognizing people, etc) or getting dizzy. Now, I am committed to practicing the actual exercises, which not only include physical exercises (self massage techniques to increase blood flow to the eyes, eye rolls, a fusion string to strengthen eye convergence, eye charts, “palming” etc), but also affirmations and visualizations/meditations designed to strengthen my outlook and acceptance of my vision.

According to the book that influenced Sussman, The Bates Method for Better Eyesight Without Glasses, Dr. William Bates writes “Some patients are so responsive to mental suggestion that you can relieve their discomfort or improve their sight with almost any glasses you like to put on them.” Not telling myself “I’m so blind” all the live long day and appreciating what I actually can see, which is surprisingly a lot especially in broad daylight is a powerful tool in relaxation. According to Dr. Bates, “the fact must be stressed that perfect sight can be obtained only by relaxation.”

I was only able to truly relax after visiting the behavioral optometrists because I was always a little worried that I could potentially worsen my vision if I was unintentionally straining versus accepting my vision. But when I visited the behavioral optometrist in NJ last year (and a second behavioral optometrist in NYC in the New Year because recommitting to bettering my vision naturally was supposed to be my 2020 New Years Resolution), I was shocked to see how well I could see through the under-corrected prescription (-1.75/-1.25). That prescription is almost as light as my very first prescription when I was about 14 years old! In fact, both doctors said they wouldn’t have prescribed the stronger prescription (-3.25) that I’d worn for years in the first place! It was so refreshing to work with optometrists that not only told me my eyesight wasn’t deteriorating, but performed a thorough eye exam involving exercises that demonstrate how well (or poorly) my eyes worked together and alone.

The Program for Better Vision debunks a lot of myths especially the widely accepted notion that eyes inevitably deteriorate with age. Sussman states, “The visual system – just like any other part of your body – can deteriorate with age. This is certainly true if nothing is done to retain its inherit youthfulness and flexibility, and if years of accumulated tension and rigidity are not released. But this decline is not inevitable and it is not irreversible. In fact, nothing is further from the truth.” Sussman explains throughout the book that we have programmed our eyes to unnaturally fixate on objects (television, book, computer, etc) without breaks, which changes the dynamic of our eye muscles. The comprehensive exercises in the book are designed to release both mental and physical tension from our overused eye muscles while increasing blood flow (nutrients, oxygen) to the eyes.

When I was little, my grandmother used to always try to get me to eat the cooked carrots in her cooking by telling me they are good for my eyes. I always thought that was a funny way to try and convince me to eat anything because what 10 year old gives a shit about their eyes? Now, of course, I look at nutrition differently especially with respect to my eyes. Sussman explains, “More than 25% of the nutrition your body absorbs goes to feed the visual system. The visual system consumes one third of all the oxygen that you take in. Metabolism in the eyes is faster than anywhere else in the body.” Many of the exercises in the book focus on relieving tension in the neck through self massage and neck rolls so that nutrition carried by the blood can flow without obstruction to the eyes. Sussman touches on the most important nutrients for the eyes such as Vitamin C.

Vitamin C is an antioxidant well known for its immune boosting properties, but did you know that it is critical for eye health and that our eyes have the heaviest concentration of vitamin C in the body? In fact, sufficient Vitamin C can help prevent cataracts (which “may require the intake of vitamin C at a level 15 times greater than the minimum daily requirement), strengthen the eyes and prevent pressure that results in visual fatigue. As long as you’re eating a balanced (mostly plant-based) diet complete with fruits and vegetables, you’re most likely getting your fill. And vitamin C is water soluble, so your body will shit out any excess as a bonus!

There are other vitamins and supplements recommended in the book as well, but in order for proper delivery to the eyes, there must be adequate blood flow. “Ginkgo biloba increases the blood flow to the brain. European studies demonstrate impressive results in the treatment of macular degeneration and this herb has also been shown to prevent free radical damage to the retina and macula.” In general, ginkgo biloba has been used for centuries especially in Asian countries for improved cognitive function, memory enhancement and performance. Metagenics carries a quality Ginkgo Biloba supplement I take regularly.

metagenics ginkgo discount

The hardest exercise for me to practice consistently is not daydreaming and staying present. I’ve been a daydreamer my entire life because I am a firm believer in creative visualization, essentially a manifestation technique where you just daydream the crap out of what you want your reality to look like. Sussman suggests doing that shit with your eyes closed rather than open because daydreaming creates a lot of stress on our visual system, essentially forcing it to focus on two realities at once.

To conclude this long ass thesis, I cannot recommend the The Program for Better Vision enough as just a means to alter your thinking and literally change your outlook. It is a little early for me to confirm whether or not the book has yielded any real improvement in my eyesight, but it has given me both a quarantine hobby and the confidence not to depend on visual crutches (contact lens or eyeglasses) for most of the day. I have, however, experienced one day recently where I forgot I wasn’t wearing my eyeglasses because I could read almost every sign and license plate in the near distance! That alone is enough validation for me since The Bates Method for Better Eyesight Without Glasses explains that vision is constantly changing all day and night depending on physical, emotional, and external factors. “One cannot see through them [eyeglasses] unless one produces the degree of refractive error which they are designed to correct. But refractive errors, in the eye which is left to itself, are never constant. If one secures good vision by the aid of concave, convex, or astigmatic lenses, therefore, it means that one is maintaining constantly a degree of refractive error which otherwise would not be maintained constantly. It is only expected that this should make this condition worse, and it is a matter of common experience that it does.” So your vision will be better on some days than others and better at certain times of the day than others. And while this may seem like a lot of work for something that potentially doesn’t work or only works some of the time, I currently ain’t got shit to do…

No Sleep Til’…This Shit is Over?

This quarantine has proven a stressful time for everyone. A record number of people have filed for unemployment, parents are now forced to homeschool their kids (God bless…), and the number of those diagnosed with the Corona Virus is steadily increasing along with the number of deaths. Needless to say, many people are losing sleep despite the proximity to their beds. So I thought this would be an opportune time to reiterate the importance of sleep and share some tips to Go The Fuck To Sleep.

I remember cramming for exams in school feeling secure in the notion that our brains retain information better after “sleeping on it.” Whether that is true or not, the restorative properties of sleep are endless; improved mood, memory, learning, cognitive function, weight management, etc. etc. So let’s try to catch up on some sleep now that we are forced to spend this time at home because I know that I have definitely been tossing and turning like a motherfucker.

Everyone knows it’s best not to fall asleep on a full stomach because it leaves us feeling fat and sluggish, yet starving in the morning! Falling asleep on a full or even partially full stomach can majorly disturb sleep and especially our metabolism. According to Kristen Eckel-Mahan, PhD, “The enzymes involved in fatty acid oxidation, they’re highly circadian. They know when they’re supposed to be metabolizing glucose.” In other words, when we eat late, our metabolic organs process sugars differently, causing our body to store fat more easily.

Eating late also seems to result in more nightmares, especially late consumption of carbs. But according to Harvard Medical School, “eating a large meal, especially a high-carbohydrate meal, could trigger night sweats because the body generates heat as it metabolizes the food. Also, gastroesophageal reflux (GERD), caused by lying down with a full stomach, may trigger symptoms that wake you up.” So while it seems like a causal relationship, eating late actually only disturbs our sleep so much that we wake up more frequently from our dream state, which only causes better recollection of our dreams (good or bad).

sleep on table

If you’re like me, not eating late is somewhat of an impossibility because of my work schedule (or lack thereof, lately). So if you find yourself unable to give yourself at least two hours before bedtime to stop shoving food in your mouth, at least try and sit upright for 20 minutes and then sleep on your left side. Our colons work in a clockwise fashion, so laying on our left side allows gravity to pull gastric juices and undigested food through the colon toward the rectum (this is why colonics begin and end on the left side). Laying on the right side is counterintuitive for digestion and can lead to heartburn because stomach juices can splash back up into the esophagus. Additionally, laying on your left side can help drain your brain of cerebral waste called interstitial waste. According to Healthline, “This brain cleanse may help reduce your risk of developing Alzheimer’s, Parkinson’s, and other neurological diseases.”

Something else that is scientifically proven to delay or even prevent the onset of Alzheimers is meditation. I will speak more to my experience with meditation at a later date, but I wanted to share a useful meditation app I discovered last year. Insight Timer is a free meditation app that has an entire section dedicated to sleep. The sleep section contains Soundscapes, Bedtime Tales, Sleep Meditations, Sleep for Kids, and Sleep Music. I love listening to rain and thunder or some of the bedtime tales when I am unable to drift away.

For those who need supplemental assistance, my favorite supplement brand (Metagenics) has a supplement designed for occasional sleeplessness called Benesom. It contains magnesium, valerian root, melatonin and other herbs proven to assist in sleep. (Receive 20% off here).

Metagenics sleep supplement

In the end, nothing really puts me to sleep like a boring ass book or some super dense material I’m forcing myself to learn. I suggest always having that book on your nightstand. It may take you a few years to get through, but it will at least earn you some quality ZZZs while making you smarter.

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